Fauxmoi

The bias exists and to their credit, they even acknowledge it too, only you ignore it: They use the word "reported", which is very important. We will never know the true numbers when it comes to rape. Many women will not report out of fear from repercussions or shame and I'm sure you're well aware of that. But most men would never report out of shame if something does happen to them because men aren't supposed to be rapeable. Your own statistics show that in childhood ~30% of victims are male but it quickly drops off to ~11% by the time we're old enough to know we must never admit to being weak. Particularly in teenage years, the bullying would never end if a boy admits to being raped.

There's a woman in my own life who holds certain power over me: The mother of my child (who I'm raising alone). I hate her with every fiber of my being, but the moment I stop pretending I'm ok with sleeping with her, she'll make up random bullshit about me being a bad parent so she can kidnap our kid again. Who, last time it happened, was so traumatized it took a few months of being back home with me to mostly recover. But until she murders someone or gets caught doing hard drugs, she has 100% equal rights to the kid whose life she shows zero interest in until she needs something from me (usually sex or money, though I suspect the sex is an attempt to wrestle back control over me rather than for her enjoyment, she already has several other men, including the current one she's in a "monogamous" relationship with), so there is no legal recourse, I'd have to straight up murder her to get peace and I have no intention of ever doing that. We can't leave the country without her permission either, I'd be wanted internationally for kidnapping then.

So am I being raped? Maybe, maybe not. I'm not being held down physically or drugged, it's certainly not as violent in this case as what many female victims experience, but I don't REALLY consent to what's happening, yet I have no choice and I also can't let her know I don't consent, I've done it in the past and it set off a horrible fucking chain of events. But it's 1) completely unproveable, because she's never threatened me and hasn't used physical violence on me since the divorce, it's only clear from her past actions how she starts behaving when I don't pretend to be easily swayed by her "feminine powers" anymore, and 2) even if I could prove it, I have no faith anything would come out of it. She would certainly never get convicted, she could commit a crime in front of a police officer and get away with it, most people never see through her blatant lies, because she can and will tell you that the sky is actually lime green and she WILL believe it herself as she's saying it to you. I've witnessed her get away with dozens of things over the 3 years I've known her. And I'm also not a fan of having my house painted, my car trashed, or any of the other things she's done to her other exes who have dared tell her off. Not immediately. Months or in one case years later so you could never prove or perhaps even know that it was her.

So while I agree that straight up posting #notallmen unprompted after something like the Cornell 7 incident comes to light makes you either an idiot or a bad faith actor, I can't help but feel like some frustration is justified as our whole gender is being labeled as dangerous based on reported statistics where we know most of us would never report if anything happened to us because society expects us to never be raped and you're a weak pussy if you do get taken advantage of, especially by a woman. And I'm not going to pretend that the numbers would be equal even if every single rape or sexual abuse case was reported, it's just frustrating knowing you're considered evil or dangerous just because you were born with the wrong genitalia, while by default the people with the other type of genitalia can't be rapists.

Right now, something about the conversation is just not working. There must be a way to get the men who are not okay with rape to be angry at those who are, instead of getting them to feel like they're being lumped in with the rapists by default. The fact that you post "a lot of men are rapists though" in a significant portion of your comments, makes you part of it. Even constantly posting the statistics isn't actually helping advance anyone's understanding, pretty much everyone already knows most rapes are perpetrated by men. Far fewer people know about the untested rape kit backlog (though fortunately that's also been in the news this cycle, that's how I found out for one), or how often women who report being raped (including the Jane Doe at Cornell) aren't offered rape kits - and those should be offered by default, not asked for by the victim, who in distress might not even realize that's an option. This particular Jane Doe didn't outright say "I was raped" to the doctor, but she did hint at it, which every medical professional needs to be able to catch and react to. So many issues people need to be educated about, instead of being lectured about the one thing everyone already knows.