The Lemmy gossip sub.
Rules:
-Be respectful. Everyone should feel welcome here.
-No bigotry - including racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, or xenophobia.
-No Ads / Spamming.
-No misinformation
Whining about being part of the same group that most rapists belong to when the overarching conversation is about how we prevent horrific crimes like gang rape is a choice a lot of men are making in here.
If you feel it’s more important to soothe men’s hurt feelings about being in the same group as most rapists rather than focusing on how we reduce rape, you have completely missed the fucking point.
Velma, this is exactly why I love you so much 💚
<3
Thanks for being a voice with me, dkppunk.
My face when reading some of these comments
Some of y’all guys are nasty
First of all fuck this conversation for bringing up depressing statistics.
The 93℅ of convicts being male is something I cannot debate. Even the number of cases being registered brings it down to 90℅, so even if some men are hiding, I don't think the numbers extrapolate below 85℅. Which honestly makes sense, rape is defined by power dynamics, and men are usually stronger than women, and 93℅ number matches closely with the strength distribution of male to female. Which is, 5℅ of women are stronger than 50℅ of the men. So even if I consider female to male rape being under reported, I don't think margin would be that large, and would largely be balanced by women who don't report.also looking up similar data from the EU only makes this case stronger. Only thing I have against the case is some anecdotes I've read when it comes to bars and discos about women being perpetrators far more often than numbers suggest, but like I said, those are anecdotes from reddit, so I'm not giving much weight to it till I see it myself,(or atleast if I see similar point being brought up in different threads). I tried being factual but fuck me for looking up all these numbers.
Secondly, it's complex issue. Your beliefs and Morality is not just in your parents hands, it's also your friends and by large today especially, the algorithm of your feed.
My biggest issue whenever y'all try to send messages like this is, these just never reach the people who need to hear it. As a man, I'm either in a group that's actually full of women respecting people, or a place that doesn't hesitate body shaming women on her freaking face. And I said "place" which means this is a socially accepted behavior amongst almost Everyone there. And what can I do when everyone around me is beyond redemption? I've met a guy who seriously took objection to the fact that most people chose to have their mothers signature in a form instead of their fathers. And yes, he was being misogynist, and he almost took pride in being called so.
Look I'm a socially awkward guy. I have no friends from that 'place'. And if you ask me, they were beyond redemption anyways. Some might grow up in future, some won't. I respect you western women for atleast avoiding people who display such behaviors, cause some women here didn't even object. I had to think twice before standing up for someone cause how casually some of them treated it.
Rest I don't even know what to say. It's just depressing to talk about rapes in general.
Rest I don’t even know what to say. It’s just depressing to talk about rapes in general.
Trust, I don't enjoy talking about this subject. But I think it's important. Because there's a general sentiment that feminism has gone far enough and that we've corrected enough to give women equality.
We haven't. So I keep talking about it. And I keep posting news articles because this keeps happening over and over and over again.
I posted some stats here that cover a range of issues.
Don't lump yourself in with the men that choose to put their selfish wants above other's boundaries if you don't do so. Continue to speak up for the women in your life. That's all that anyone can ask of you here.
93.6% of sexual abuse offenders were men in 2021 in the US.
Convicted offenders. Worth the precision.
Also worth mentioning for the precision.
What a shitshow of a comment section.
The facts:
This leads to three things:
A. Many women feel unsafe around men, particularly those they do not know well. (Points 1 and 4)
B. Many men feel prejudiced in conversations on this topic (Points 2,3, and 5)
C. The discourse runs in circles between A and B, failing to change anyone's mind because either 1+4 or 2+3+5 more important depending on the speaker.
As a tall male I was confused for a sec.
What's confusing about #NoTallMen? You aren't welcome here, yet you post anyways. /j
Short kings only 😜
Bugger off, ya freak
it's a lot of men
Naw, can't be. Lemme look it up...
29.3% of college men 😱😱😱
This report focused exclusively on college men in the United States and Canada.
also
Though we found an overall prevalence rate of approximately 29%, this is strongly associated with measurement strategy and may be an over- or underestimate.
however
Our results provide strong evidence of the widespread nature of sexual violence perpetration on college campuses and the need for greater resources to understand and prevent this behavior that undermines the health and safety of so many people.
The point is that the subset of men who sexually assault get let off the hook often (e.g. Brock Turner only serving 3 months). It's like saying "Not all Catholic priests are child molesters". Yes, that's true, but it misses the point. The ones who are don't get punished. (Or they get a slap on the wrist.)
My bet is the ones that say not all men are that man.
I'm not a man, but I don't feel like we should be guilting boys by insulting their entire gender, something they didn't choose to be, and for something they likely have no desire to do themselves. That's how you push people into the manosphere, looksmaxxing, alpha males and stuff, because they feel like they're not accepted by progressive people because of their gender.
I am convinced that if #metoo was 10 years early, before I developed self esteem, I would have FOR SURE fallen into the manosphere. I just wanted to be accepted while popular culture regularly reminded me every day that the people I care about (mostly women, I had no male role models) think I'm evil.
I knew I had problems but I wasn't evil so who would I have listened to? Probably the group saying I'm good and cool and strong just for existing. The group promising to help me fix my self esteem.
I get it now, I know they're not saying ALL men. But the problem I still have with the popularity of that hyperbole is that it alienates the most vulnerable young men.
I don't have a solution to suggest. Just wanted to share my experience to support your stance.
Judaism, Christianity, and Islam all teach that women are inferior possessions of men. That's the "faith" of about 70% of people in USA.
Do they all believe that women are inferior? No, many do not. But, it's one more excuse to be an asshole.
(all of these religions are tax free, with benefits far and above any non-profit. Each of these religions are unfathomably wealthy and have been acquiring wealth at sword point for centuries, aren't they rich enough yet?)
If you are a man, you probably wont rape someone. However, if you were raped, it was almost certainly done by A man. You can blame the individual, for sure, but you can also blame the people who know these things about a rapist and continue to associate with them, or fail to teach their sons how to react, or fail to dissuade locker room talk that can lead to dangerous thoughts, or fail to sufficiently shame manosphere creators/followers.
Toxic masculinity is a male issue, and more importantly its everyone's issue. It takes a villiage and all that
It's always interesting to be a woman lurking in these sort of niche, male-dominated spaces. By interesting, I mean rage-inducing. Thanks for another great post, Velma.
No tall men
This was always s pet peeve of mine, if "all men" is an obvious simplification, why is it that the people pointing it out are the stupid ones, and not the ones using an obviously weak argument?
Always seemed like self sabotage to me