this post was submitted on 23 Sep 2026
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I'm gonna help y'all out.
Ren faires, local volunteer theaters, trivia nights, local crafts fair.
Don't go there to pick people up, go there to engage and have fun. Being interested and having fun is far more attractive than trying to pick someone up.
If all else fails, host a queer friendly D&D group.
That's where I've met every polyamorous, cool nerd person I know. Most mature, interesting and down to earth people you'll know. I know one polycule that consists of a programmer, a plumber and a chef, they take kickboxing together and have a sweet garden. I swear they're prepping for the apocalypse together.
So basically reclusive nerds vs IRL community oriented nerds.
Yeah and I wish more of the shut-in nerds would come out to play with us
Text < Phone < Video < … < In-Person
Especially when it comes to interpersonal connection and chemistry
I think it comes from a fear of judgement and also not knowing where to look and even when you do a lot of nerds specifically online get a lot of bad social habits engrained.
At the same time you have to start somewhere to get better at something.
I think you’re right. All the above. It will be jarring to leave a familiar social medium and there will be friction. Worth it though I think.
Online social media (including this one) are like processed snacks in many ways. They replicate and augment elements of social experience the way processed food imitates real food. They offer push-button control, promising to vend whatever social experience you wish.
Suddenly switching from a diet of only processed snacks to 100% real food can cause a great deal of discomfort, enough that a person might just give up and go back to the snacks.
TLDR For the exclusively online socialites, it might be more manageable to plan in a reasonable online-to-IRL adjustment phase rather than just unplugging yourself from the matrix and charging out like a champ
In person is king, sure.
But phone? Nah, text and mail is preferable to a phone call.
See I keep hearing about ren faires online but never heard of one irl. How do I even find one?
Like there's the Medieval Days in Tallinn but that sounds super official, the performers are in character and everyone else is mostly a spectator
Are regular renaissance fairs where people get in character just an American thing?
Honestly I don't even like the idea of a ren fair because that age from memory would kill people like me.
That's just my opinion as someone who hasn't gone but it really does strike me in a similar way to civil war re-enactments.
No idea I just know of the one near myself and others speak of them so they must exist. I would honestly just ask around at nerd locations, Google, some areas have like a parks&rec kinda place you can call they might know.
Also if you do call, ask if they offer anything. My local parks shit will literally give out free tickets to theme parks and shit if you call and ask.
I came back to let you all know it's fucking true. I first went to a regular everyone allowed dnd session, then I went to a ladies' night session. Ladies night not only had the implication of a couple people being/having been in a polycule, there's apparently a large network of polycules I didn't know about in my area.
Most importantly the ladies night session was fun as hell, my gender was affirmed, the game was fun, and overall a wonderful group of people. The only disappointment was that 3 hours is not enough time. I could easily go 4-5 with breaks.
My advice, if you want to get into dnd look for game shops in you area with pop in events. The first group I was in was not for me, second as you know was perfect!
Lol this was a very funny comment to wake up to. Glad you enjoyed it
It's funny but I also think it's important becuase so many people even in the comments here thing because you're nerdy, your sexless.
When the second group I got to is talking polycules and their marriages. You ain't sexless because your a nerd, you're sexless because you aren't a part of your local community. You're not expanding outside your comfort zone and inviting new people in.
And that's about more than sex, it's about more than dating, it's about friends and community.