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(CW: generally just uncomfortable topic) my sister is about to have a baby and I'm struggling with being supportive. (hexbear.net)

submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by TUMBLE_BUS@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

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My sister is pregnant and part of me is excited to be an uncle but part of me is also kind of scared.

I'm not a full blown anti-natalist or anything, but part of me feels it's a bit irresponsible to bring a kids into the world right now. And outside of that larger existential fear I also have some personal ones.

Me and my sis had a kinda rough childhood. Our parents weren't directly abusive but they had a really dysfunctional relationship that made growing up in the same house as them really stressful. The result is I'm kinda of jaded about relationships and have personally sworn off the idea of having a family, but my sister wants to. And I want to be supportive but I'm afraid of her repeating the same mistakes. Her and her husband haven't been together that long and while he seems like a good guy overall I question how compatible they are. And I already see the stress of being pregnant taking a toll on their relationship and am worried a baby is just gonna make it worse and they'll end up just like our parents, angry, resentful, and unconsciously taking it out on their kids.

Again, I love her, I want to support her family, I even like the idea of being a cool communist uncle, but I guess part of me is scared she's gonna repeat our parents mistakes. But I don't feel like I can be honest about that without really hurting her feelings.

Idk, just venting.

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[–] VeganSwoletariat@hexbear.net 4 points 2 days ago

Understandable. I think maybe just focus on what you can control and your own actions if you bring it up with her. Like you said, this is a dicey conversation to have.

But you could frame it as your own worries about you being a good sibling/whatever you decide to call yourself as the nuncle/nantie, because you both know your childhoods were rough. And because of that, wanting to support her as much as possible, and you want to give the kid as good as life as possible. Maybe if you offer yourself as help she won't feel threatened by concern about the kiddo in the future. And long term, this is good for the kid too. Having a trusted non-parent adult is great for kids, *especially *if the parenting is poor.

But anyway yeah i really have mixed feelings when i see people having kids. I'm not antinatalist either but... i live in colonizer usa and... i'm just gonna say it. we really don't need any more treatlers here lol. But hey, material conditions and all that, likely their kids will be radical due to the impending collapse and it's her body her choice to have kids so, it is what it is. sorry if my chatting is too advicey, feel free to tell me to fuck off to be honest lol :) i just like to be too helpful sometimes, it's a problem.