Asklemmy

I feel like there has always been a new lowest point for me in life lol.

Maybe this seems mild to some, but I worked my way into getting a well paid career after going through hell in grad school. I never ever had friends growing up or after...seemed to develop severe social anxiety that never went away.

At my job, I thought I finally found an irl deep friendship in my coworker. I had never had that kind of a relationship before. Maybe surface level stuff with others, but nothing like that. We seemed to always have each other's back. I thought I had a best friend.

Well through the years, my supervisor seemed to get worse and worse with nitpicking my every move. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt at first for many years...assuming things were a misunderstanding or something. But it kept getting worse and worse.

My coworker and I actually bonded over having mutual difficulties with my supervisor's poor and unreadable attitude.

Well I got to a breaking point when my supervisor admitted to pushing me one day and I ended up eventually complaining to HR about her. I basically asked for a shift change because of all of the issues.

My friend/coworker was initially somewhat supportive of my struggles because she also knew what it was like to be on the receiving end of my supervisor.

Unfortunately, HR turned it into a multiple months long debacle and clearly was on the side of my supervisor. HR decided to involve all of my coworkers in the mess. My coworkers slowly lost support of me in this and I became more and more erratic as all of this was happening.

During all of this, I had tried to get mental health support as well. I was in therapy which I didn't find overly helpful and was trying out various forms of medication.

But it was all too much...HR pulled me aside one day to talk to me about my distressed behavior a month prior. Instead of compassion, the woman outright called me selfish and then subsequently threatened termination in a written document that I had to sign the following day. The following day, a debacle also happened with my friend where she said that she wasn't sure if she could be my friend anymore. None of my coworkers would speak to me.

It felt like my world ended. Everything from my daily life...my job and my friendships...I felt threatened and abandoned by all of that. I felt so hopeless and simply beyond destraught.

For two days in a row, I tried to go into work, but I would immediately go home "sick". I could not perform my job. I contacted my mental health provider and they were able to put me on an emergency FMLA leave for around 1.5 weeks. So luckily my employer could not fire me right in that moment and I could have time to recover from being inconsolable.

In that time off, I volunteered near daily at the food pantry. I visited relatives and friends I didn't realize I had. I got my first tattoo. I started wearing wristbands daily with positive messages on the inside. I told myself I would not touch a drink of alcohol outside of social situations. I applied to and interviewed at a different job as well during that time (tho I didn't end up getting it).

The food pantry stuff helped me a lot. Something about trying to do something good while I was at my lowest instead of giving up on life helped. I'd recommend it. It helped distract me from being constantly consumed by my thoughts.

I have never done well with one on one therapy. My therapist did help me in a very important way, but overall I generally find it rather limiting. I started an intensive group therapy program several months later which I find was more helpful to me than most standard one on one therapy. My only regret is not starting it earlier. It was using the therapy modality called DBT which I highly highly recommend. But maybe I wouldn't have been as receptive to it then I suppose. I'm also on a different medication now.

Been nearly a year since those few earth shattering days with the HR lady and my friend. I'm still employed at the same company and it's been a long road with my friend, but we are friends again. My supervisor doesn't treat people that way anymore. It's been a long fucking road and I still struggle from that experience, but I'm still here and doing much better.

Sorry for the wall. What is your situation, OP?