this post was submitted on 07 Aug 2026
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Then you should not be dating people. Basic human empathy is a prerequisite to any healthy relationship.
Well I'm not, I'm happily married thank god. Also empathy is exactly what I'm advocating for. I don't know why the girl decided to bring a friend. Maybe she wanted someone to check the vibes with her first? Maybe she just thought it would be fun and didn't know that "you aren't supposed to do that"? And the advice that other guy gives based is to just passive aggressively "teach her a lesson"?? Fuck that.
Well I'm not on board with the passive aggressive stuff.
Again though, the problem is one of romantic consent. It's no where near as serious as violating sexual consent, but people have a right to consent or not consent to participate in romantic settings. For example, it would be a violation of romantic consent if I told you you were attending a job interview and you show up and it's actually a date. That would be a rude and creepy thing to do. People have a right to know what kind of romantic situations they are getting into in advance.
She violated his romantic consent by turning a private date into a gathering. And the basic rules of consent apply.
Imagine someone said, "I know she didn't want it, but I just thought it would fun to have sex with her without her consent! I certainly had fun! I didn't know you weren't supposed to do that teehee! # so random!"
Violation of romantic consent is nowhere as serious as rape. But it is still a violation. It's not a felony. But it is extremely rude and disrespectful. Violating romantic consent doesn't make you a criminal, but it does make you a bad person.
Then what is your point? That she made a faux-pas on the first date? Ok. Whatever. Just break it off and go home if it's that big a deal. Why is it so important for you all that I know that you're not supposed to bring a friend when meeting an online stranger for the first time?
I'm not even gonna touch your consent analogy. I'm sorry but that's a mess. What we are talking about is (at worst) like asking for coffee and someone bringing tea. Not like getting tricked into a date by someone pretending it's a job interview, the power dynamics alone...
I'm sorry. But you are demonstrating the attitude of a rapist. People have a right to consent to participate in any sexual or romantic situation. They have a right to go into these situations with full informed consent. I have no direct evidence you've actually raped anyone. I'm not accusing you of being a rapist. But, you are demonstrating a respect for consent similar to what rapists believe. And when people call you out on it, you waffle and pretend it's no big deal, just like every rapist ever. While I don't have any evidence that you've raped someone, it wouldn't surprise me at all. You have a real problem with consent.
Consent matters. Obviously it's far more critical for sexual consent than romantic consent.
But to you, consent doesn't matter at all. Put someone in a surprise romantic encounter? No big deal. Take someone who is trying to have a first date with a potential romantic partner, and you screw up the whole dynamic without their consent by turning it into a gathering? Again, no big deal. They've cleared their whole evening, spent time and money to get there, all on your word. But none of that matters, because you changed your mind. You don't even owe them a head's up in advance! You told them they would have a chance to have a close and intimate conversation with a potential love of their life. You decided to bring your buddy to the table. They don't matter, only you matter.
All that matters is your happiness, your comfort, and your pleasure. Rules of social etiquette be damned. Basic respect for other human beings be damned. The free will and happiness of others be damned. You're the main character in this world, and everyone else just has to bend to your choices.
You have the attitude of a rapist.
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