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yeah I have a doctors appointment thursday but man its so meta. I can't see the specialist I want to because of the way this country runs which feeds into a depression that im going to see a doctor about. Im not sure I want to take medication if they suggest it and my wife is worried about that and is against it. I completely get it to as I know medication for the brain can have bad effects cognitively and I am looking for work which depends on high congnitive ability. ugh. I feel a bit bad for you and others who are younger because im not sure any of you will have the perspective of better normal times. Whenever I say this people will point to all sorts of things bad with the time period but the thing is before reagan we generally were on an improvement journey which slowed under him to the point it stopped in the new millenium and started going backwards.
I was born in the late 80s, and I grew up with hope, even with being raised with nighmare levels of abuse my gardian did actual prision time for. I still had hope for the future.
Ive been watching things get worse and worse. I have been resting today. I step outside to say hello to my garden, and I see the color change of the sun beaming on the porch, with that odd glow. I know what that is, and look to the sky. Its smoke. I look it up on my phone, and sure enough Im right, its wildfire smoke blowing down from canada. Canada is on fire. Here, we are in a severe drought, and all my neighbors mow thier grass to the lowest mower setting, and all but me are watering today, right when I stepped out. Ive been absolutley irritated all week when direct neighbor did his, (to dust mind you) and he went way further into my yard then he should have. You dont have to water the grass if you leave it 4-5 inches you know. sigh. Drought and fires, the predicted heat wave begins today. I didnt know what smoke screened sun looked like as a kid. It didnt happen like this as a kid. everythings changed.
I worry for my son, who is only 13. The years are so long, and things have just been getting worse from what Ive seen. Half thw public I see seem to not care at all. Ive walked the beaches after a hot summer weekend to litter pick. How much trash is left by mindless consumerist after thier fun day to fill thier time and media aglorythims (I fucking tried to spell this right okay, thats all I got), so much trash and waste.
They taught us growing up, the good guy always wins ans justice for all, ive seen no such thing in real life. Just like my gaurdian taught me, family comes first, yet didnt live it. The inauthenticity in people disheartens me so.
Each day we fight, but.. I always wonder if it will be enough.
Cant give up though.
Try the meds if you want. I never wanted to take meds either. My mother was always on something and Ive aversion to them. What had me truly consider it, was two facts. First, If I went on the meds, and didnt like them, I could always just go off them. Second, sometimes people take meds when they need the help. And just beacuse you need a little help now, doesnt mean youll need them forever.
I dont take anything for my depression and stuff, but I have tried a few. I brute force my way through each day, seeking support for others if I need it, I have a therapist I see usually every week, and go to her art group. I find that enough, but it wasnt always. I have family who "found the right meds" and they can be life changing for some.
just food for thought. Ease your mind, try em or not, you can always go off them. If your wife is concerned, I would at least talk to the doctor/specialist. Im sure she knows you better than most. Ive seen my husband suffer and it is sad. He takes anxiety meds, but still struggles some days. I see that. We wives just want our husbands healthy and able to cope so they may feel joy. We like them best this way <3