this post was submitted on 04 Jul 2026
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Any time a group of people is open to anyone joining it's going to get ruined by the awful people using it as an excuse to be awful. Doubly so when the original group of people is emotionally vulnerable and hurt.
Incel, Femcel, doesn't matter. Makes no difference to awful people what they're called if they can get in a group to collectively fantasize about being more awful than they could get way with in real life. I wish the actual people that are hurt can get the help they need to get better.
The real issue is that, most of the time, those who want to do harm are themselves emotionally vulnerable and hurt, which is why they gravitated to those in-groups in the first place. They turn their pain into justification which they feel entitles them to harm others as an act of retribution. "Eye for an eye" type shit.
Every incel/femcel began as a teenager that didn't know better, who was probably just a little weird or was taught some bullshit by their parents, who got bullied for what they perceived as being nothing more than themselves, and they had no one to help them cope with it in a healthy way.
I wouldn't say most of the time, but that is true to some extent. I think most of the time that the actual incels just want the emotional support that they desperately need, but when coming into contact with people online naively believe everyone that calls themselves an incel is like them. So its easy for them to be manipulated. That's where I think much of the bad reputation online for "incel" comes from, from people that were manipulated by others looking for easy targets. Many of the people that might feequent "incel communities" genuinely need help and are unknowingly drinking from a contaminated well.
As to your second remark, not every person who has trouble with emotional connection started as a teenager that was bullied. Perhaps you are talking exclusively about the people that manipulate the vulnerable ones, in that case I can say it is probably mostly true, but there are certainly exceptions.
I like to think most of us (at least those of us on !femcelmemes@lemmy.blahaj.zone) simply want to commiserate and get emotional support while we don't have lovers.
I think most people that frequent those type of communities feel the same, and I hope you and all of the emotionally vulnerable, man or woman, are able to get real help that you need to feel better and more self-confident. Pain in the heart is not a fun thing to spend one's time dealing with.
Serious question, has anyone ever tried making a community for both incels and femcels so they can learn about each other and find common ground? I think it could be beneficial to both.
Incels and femcels are natural enemies.
I'll put on my incel cap and you give the Incel answer: femcels dont exist. An Incel would say to a femcel "I'll date you" and the femcels would say no therefore proving the Incels point thats its voluntary celibacy.
Last Incel I met was a child groomer.
Oof. I can see where that would turn you off to the idea.
Come on, I'm a femcel with weird ideas like "Christians are brainwashing you", not an evil person.
No, I get it, you made a compelling point.
Damn.