this post was submitted on 20 Jun 2026
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On an email with my manager I described a coworker I only worked with once as a small, thin woman that was either born in an East Asian country or has East Asian parents. I don't know this person's name. I don't see a better way to describe her all things considered.

The managers answer: it is disrespectful to describe people according to ethnic background or physical appearance.

My next question for this manager: dear manager, how should I describe this person then?

I don't know if I'm being genuinely disrespectful or this is a very thin skinned manager. Either way, I had to work with another coworker I didn't know either. This conversation with manager B ensued:

manager B: 'today you're working with mike'

me: 'who's mike?'

manager B: 'that fat guy'

make it make sense.

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[โ€“] sbv@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 days ago

I agree that it's awkward and it creates problems in some scenarios. I'm not sure it's necessarily a bad thing, but it's an understandable (over) correction for some pretty heinous behaviour.

I think it's also equally pretty weird to just dismiss a facet of someone's humanity.

At work? I think it's preferable to limit our interactions to work related stuff.

Outside of work, I'm ambivalent. We associate physical features, names, and accents with cultures. But those don't always line up to significant differences in someone's personality.