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Generally speaking, I think it has to do with intent:
Erotic = intended to arouse / is sexual in nature.
Vulgar = intended to offend / is characterized by a lack of social acceptability.
Yeah, and the same themes can go either way. An edge lord trying to push boundaries might write acts that are downright tame for sadomasochistic erotica.
And I think tone is vital here. I've read some stuff that could have been rewritten as horror, but the tone is sensuous.
Lines do get blurred though, pulp erotica is a classic example. My knowledge of it is largely in lesbian pulp, but at the time you couldn't get away with writing a happy love story between two women, especially not an erotic one. You could however write a somewhat vulgar story about a good girl being seduced by a dangerous woman so long as the ending was unhappy for the women.