this post was submitted on 13 May 2026
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A Boring Dystopia
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going for a coffee or a walk was never a popular thing to do on a dating app. it only ever was during the pandemic when everyone had to be outside
going for a drink or dinner or an activity, was. all my first dates are drinks, movies, food.
it's just that going out 5-10 years ago was cheap, now it's expensive. but that's true of everything.
A movie seems like a terrible idea for a first date, you spend all that time watching the movie instead of actually focusing on each other. Coffee is one of the best things to do.
it's actually good, because you have a shared expereince to talk about after.
you don't watch the movie and go home. you TALK about the movie.
So the first date is like a 3 to 4 hour affair minimum? Coffee can be as short as an hour, and I can dip after 15 if it's not going well. Much more time efficient
No? It's like an 2-3 hours. Most movies that aren't marvel movies are like 90m long, then you chat for an hour over a drink or food. then you go home.
i dunno where you live, but most restaurants/bars here are very fast because they are tryign to turn over customers as much as possible. most coffee shops have a 15-20m seating limit now too. you can't just order 1 coffee and sit there 2 hours.
Average feature film length has been 120 minutes since the 2000's, and it's been trending upwards since then. Even if the movie is only 90 minutes though, you're still gonna be in the theater for at least two hours anyways, between standing in line for popcorn/snacks/drinks and sitting through previews. And if you're gonna follow up with a drink or food anyways, you could just... skip the movie lol
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to police people's first dates, and if both parties want to go see a movie and get a drink after, great. In today's dating ecosystem though, for the majority of people, the prospect of sitting in a dark room with a near stranger for 90-120 minutes is uncomfortable, and usually not a very good first date idea.
Cool, I love movies. I enjoy doing going there.
I'm not most people. I enjoy a lot of thing most people don't. And I hate a lot of thing most people do enjoy. Like going out to expensive dinners and on expensive vacations...
The person you're dating doesn't interest you?
Cold talk and starting a conversation with someone you never met is not a natural skill for everyone; myself included - I am extrovert when being around people I know or people someone who is with me knows, but shut as a clam when with strangers.
Doing something together that you can talk about to get to know each other's preferences and what you picked up from the experience is a great way to break the ice.
I particularily enjoy going to a museum, theatre or music concert on a date, and try to suggest something I haven't seen or heard before.