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How to support a grieving person? (piefed.social)

submitted 2 weeks ago by xpey@piefed.social to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

22 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Hi everyone, I am writing this in hope to get some support. I have, quite literally, never lost a loved one. Yet.

I've been living with my partner for some time now, and we both take care of their cat. She's the sweetest thing. They took her from the streets and they've done everything the vets ask. The poor cat was in a terrible state when they found it, but now over a year later she's doing much better.

The problem is, the vets were always super upfront with this. She probably doesn't have much time left. She had cancer and we had to have her ears amputated, but they said it was very likely to spread to other areas.

Recently we noticed her nose had the same stuff as her ears. And the only option is Chemo, which we agreed to not do it.

I know her death is inminent, and I am super scared. I'm gonna be heartbroken, but most importantly, my partner is gonna be as well. They have such a deep connections with animals, much stronger than anything I've ever felt or seen. I know our cat's death won't be "just a mascot passing away" for them.

So my question is, how do I support my partner when the time comes? How do I make sure that they don't spiral into anything dangerous while making sure they keep up with uni? I'm very new to all of this. I'm not sure how impactful grieving is, I'm so scared :(

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[–] VitoRobles@lemmy.today 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

"I'm sorry for what you're going through. Shit sucks. And my heart goes to you."

You can say that to her. But I'm saying that to you too.

I grew up in a household that told me to "walk it off". At funerals, just a bunch of stiff lips. But when my wife's cat died, I was ready to be like you. But my heart broke and I cried my ass off.

So how do you support them? Let everyone grieve. Take care of each other. Ask each other if they need anything. Check in with each other if you are ready for a walk, going out to eat, doing something "a bit" different to recover. Don't try to "get back to normalcy", because there's no such thing. Your life changed. This is the new normal. And after all this, you both will become a little closer and a little stronger.

I lost 3 cats in ten years. Toxic masculinity or whatever, shit is always hard. I put on a face to make sure my wife and kids are taken care of first, of course. But I'm grieving too and they take care of me. Let them.

[–] xpey@piefed.social 3 points 2 weeks ago

Thank you. I always think of the life after the news, but never during. I always try to be strong for my partner, the way they do the same for me too. We both have Bipolar Disorder, so our mood goes up and down at different periods, but after living together for a bit it seems our moods always complement eachother. That's why I expected to be up when they were down, but I gotta start preparing for the time when both of us are down.