this post was submitted on 18 Mar 2026
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I can barely do anything for myself in the "adulting" realm and I want to change that.
I am going through the process of having to "reparent" myself. My mum is a helicopter parent. She thinks I am not capable of doing anything and tries to do it for me. Or she cooks food and I eat it. I am grateful that she does things for me, but I see people my age being entirely self-sufficient and I feel like shit.My boyfriend practically lives alone in his family home. He does everything for himself. In my house, everyone's washing gets washed together. Even if the boyfriend does a load of washing, it is all his.
If I ever have kids, I am teaching them chores as soon as they are ready. I would have really benefitted from a sense of mastery as a kid, especially with physical tasks that take me a lot longer than other people to get. Also self-compassionate talk and validating their emotions. Watch that go out the window in the heat of the moment.
I had a similar upbringing. Wog parents mentality is to do everything for their kids, even into adulthood; especially for sons. I really didn’t learn much day-to-day life skills living at home. At the time I hated this, especially comparing myself to more independent people in my life.
Moving out of home came with a sharp learning curve to care for myself, but i think I can say with confidence now that I am very self-sufficient. You will learn the skills you need when you need to, you are not “behind”, and honestly I miss my parents doing stuff for me because now I spend a lot of my non-work time doing chores. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, gardening and more. I don’t really enjoy doing any of it - I like to keep a clean home and a nice-looking garden and that's stressful, it’s a lot for one person especially.
Oh dear. I wasn't in quite the same boat, could cook, clean, and power tool when I left at 17. Money and adulting paperwork on the other hand was a shit show and I made some profoundly stupid decisions. Still do really, must learn about Super properly soon!!
Nobody taught me to power tool :(
I spent most weekends in primary school 'helping' build a house, stuff rubs off. You can improvise a hammer, but don't move out without a shifting spanner.
I have a toolbox but despite male family having those skills I taught basic repairs to myself :(
I could have benefitted from the same tbh. Mum was also a very paranoid helicopter, so hitting adulthood was very hard - all the chores I never got taught, those little grandma/ma tricks and tips for cleaning, nada.
It's hard in adulthood having to re-parent yourself and find these resources, but I believe in you! It can be done. And honestly I reckon you'll find it easier to learn when you're not living with mum. Some mum's like the control over the household (for a variety of personal and patriarchal reasons), so sometimes it takes leaving to give yourself space to learn. You got this girl!
I love that you recognise this and want to upskill yourself, so to speak. My mum wasn't a helicopter parent, but I still wasn't taught basic skills. Moved out at 18 having no idea how to cook or clean or have any financial responsibility. Took me a few years to get the hang of it, tbh.
That is the worst… I got a mix of that, some things I had to help with growing up (so I learned a few no frills meals, cleaning and to run a washing machine) but the vast majority of adult skills I had to teach myself after leaving home. I’m still learning them and a lot are incomplete even at my current age.
There’s Mom How Do I and Dad How Do I
https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCVo2ns_7YaVzFYVX5JgV_uQ
https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCNepEAWZH0TBu7dkxIbluDw
I will also answer any particular questions if I can.
Ps. Seriously consider accessing somewhere that does financial counselling, because I got none of that and had to learn about money management from influencers, avoided debt so hard I never built up a good credit score, and never got taught how to manage a super. Also definitely get help learning how to do taxes.
Edit: I also recommend you find the lever to turn the mains water supply off, same for the gas. If either leaks you can just cut the flow. Keep a bill for each handy so the faults number is right there. And locate the electrical switchboard for your house.
And when you get photo id? Update it before it expires. Make sure you have your birth certificate and passport when you move out.
Thank you Melba!!! You should get paid to give practical tips to people. I'm sure people are doing just that.
Because I work casually, how much I get paid each week varies but I tend to put some away automatically into a HISA.
I dunno. There’s definitely stuff I had to teach myself and is highly iffy
And stuff I didn’t cover for reasons
It's really good you want to do this! Atleast your generation has the internet and YouTube to help you.
You are doing great
chores are the easy thing
it's all the rest that is hard, I've had to parent myself in nearly every other way 😔