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When I was in high school there was a summer strength program that I tried one day of as a freshman. They did a leg exercise that left me cramping and feeling awful so I never went back and I never did wrestling as a result. I always associated it with thick necked fucking warriors who walked around with swagger like they couldn't be touched.

Well, upon reflection, the leg exercise was the leg press. I'm sure they were putting up numbers, but my legs only cramped because we didn't lower the weight and I had never lifted a day in my life and I had no idea what was going on. It's not like it's an infernal machine made by the devil - I just misused the tool. There's this wrestling class at my BJJ school that I've been going to. I always really prioritize stand up, having spent some time doing muay thai and fighting in competition as well. I did some judo but couldn't commit to it long term. The point being that BJJ gets a reputation for being a bunch of butt scooters who can't stand toe to toe with others and that reputation isn't destiny. You can stand up on the feet if you practice standing on the feet. Anyway, that wrestling class keeps teaching me a lot. There are some curiosities about the sport though. For instance, you have a lot more responsibility for your partner's well being on a takedown. Short of an illegal move in BJJ, you're good to go even if it's applying a submission quickly. In addition, since your objective in wrestling (and this applied to judo as well) is to pin the opponent on their shoulders, a good defense is to fall to your stomach if you're getting taken down. This is barbaric to my brain because I love to have my opponent on their stomach in BJJ. I can just put my arm around their jaw and yank. In neither other sport are you allowed to get your arm around their jaw. And all that aside, even if you get pinned in BJJ, the game's not over because you need to GTFO of there. You have a whole half the sport dedicated to what happens if your plan A doesn't work and you eat shit.

So, in essence, I'm surprised by the wrestling class. I'm in there expecting guys with short hair, stocky builds, and studded piercings to squint at me while they're talking. In no small dose and more than the women and children in an intermediate+ BJJ class are these people hesitant and they need to pause to explain that my swashbuckling, freeflowing style of grappling needs to be contained and boxed to be appropriate for the art. Now, the caveat to this is that there are schools and programs for wrestling that are intense that would have me crying in the corner. But that's just it: there are BJJ and MMA camps that would do the same! I've been to them! It's not that wrestling is this particularly brutal martial art, it's just that the wrestlers you see are the ones that come from these programs that put people through the meat grinder. You can run a BJJ or sambo or sanda program with as much vigor. Therefore there's some relief in the disillusionment of that strength camp and that wrestling program from my school. It was tough and tougher than me, but it didn't eclipse the sun. It was designed for teenagers to succeed. Wrestlers aren't wild beastmen from Mars. If I shine a light into that dark room of my psyche that traumatized me in high school, I find the same dorks discussing grappling theory, smoking weed, and/or flirting awkwardly.

I can joke about how BJJ is for IT nerds all I want, but I still learned how to squat and shoot a takedown just fine at the end of the day. I can keep my fighting spirit even after getting punched, even if my opponent is large, and even when I know they aren't required by the rules to be nice to me. I might even get em from time to time. That's pretty neat.