this post was submitted on 11 Feb 2026
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Transfem
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Those people don't know you. Should we care what insecurity they have about THEIR own identity? You're a queen and you know it. So own it. Be the based bitch that you want to be.
The fact that you know who you are makes you so much better than these others. Just as I punched an asshole for spitting on me, and don't care what other gaping think, so too can we live our life.
The lady who calls you that is just an asshole seeking for excuses to be an ass. She wants to get a reaction out of you.
Are there other libraries to where you could go? If you live in the US in a red state, why not visit a larger city? People will be more accepting there in general.
I don't pretend to know your situation. But I've grown up in a similar situation, in where I had no friends. And here I am, 25+ years later and doing well. When darkness seems to be at its strongest, we must look for our own light and create it, following what we wish to better. I might be some online pixels to you just as you are to me, but we are both humans. And we have our own hopes and dreams.
Do you have a hobby you like that you can do at home? Things you are grateful for? If not, try taking walks in woods nearby, reading/writing/drawing, playing music. I find they help.
+1 for moving to a more accepting place like a larger city.
-1 for punching assholes in the face, this is how you end up in jail, and trans people are not treated well there.
There was a trans woman who was brutally attacked in a bar and was chased when she tried to leave, and when she defended herself with some scissors and the attacker died, she went to prison. They put her in a male prison and they wouldn't administer her hormones correctly either until after a petition campaign pressured them to.
Trans folks are vulnerable, so I suggest not taking unnecessary risks. Stay under the radar; part of not giving them a reaction is not reacting to degrading behavior with violence.
I'm weak and small, I was even without HRT. If I started a fight with someone, even someone average male strength and size, they could kill me easily and I would be powerless to stop them. Someone did try to kill me once actually, 3 months ago. He tried to strangle me because he thought I looked at his kids, he only let go of me because a woman saw him and screamed. He droppped me and ran so quick I barely saw him running away. I don't know if he was caught. I know I still have nightmares about being strangled, while he yelled at me saying I'm a child molester, and his horrible breath which smelled of pasta sauce.
Well, those who scream about predators the loudest probably are the scummiest ones themselves. Every accusation is a confession, as I say. You are not one at all and you did well. You are a good person.
If you go to areas with people, it might help to go with someone you know and trust (to not snitch on you either). Seek out queer defense groups. Learn Krav Maga, carry pepper/bear spray with you in a bag. Walk in well-lit areas and be somewhat near crowds with people that seem 'tolerant', know how to get to a safe place.
Live to spite the bastards, there evil and you just trying to exist which is ritghteous. I wish there were more peoeple in the world who would protect instead of hurt. But that's the better world were fighting for I guess.
is this a Tyler James Robinson appreciation post? (\s)
If I ever meet you in real life, if you feel comfy with that, go dress the way you want, even if that doesn't "seem" to pass -- and then I'm going to go with you and shove whoever is a misogynist and transphobe outta the way. Come and seek out clothes, enjoy nature, and life.
I might not be Lean Beef Patty, but I certainly aim to fuck up a hater's day by the sheer spite of my existence :3
The guy I punched in the face spat on me though, and it was during covid. If I were transported back into that time, I would absolutely do it again. I gladly would lose another tooth if I can defend another queer person for this. I've distracted a few guys harassing a gal before by baiting them into chasing me, and bicycling away swiftly. Though maybe I'm living it the dangerous way.
But yeah, your answer is probably a bit more rational. That said, my criticism is that it doesn't matter to these fascists whether we are civil or not - they will chase you either way. It feels like the argument of "schoolgirls shouldn't expose shoulders" which then legitimises all who do so, as possible targets. When in reality, I say, fuck off to that shit. Our live is ours and nobody elses'.
So best be prepared and join bands with solidarity groups, imo.
I'm not saying what you should have done in particular - I just wouldn't advise other trans people do something that will get them in trouble with the law, since police officers are so unsafe and the legal system is so stacked against us. Stone Butch Blues comes to mind here - there is a long history of police violence and brutality against our community, and it's not over.
Somewhat unrelated, but just so you know - I've also been spit on people, by people who wanted me to fight back so they would have an excuse to beat the shit out of me. I held my shit together and instead glared at them and told them to stop in a firm tone, and (surprisingly) they did.
True, and I hate it that you are also right. Whatever we do, we must be in solidarity for each other. I'm not gonna criticise you for being civil and glaring - it helped and worked. I appreciate it that you told me that, actually. I don't think we should oppose those who take action in different ways.
I feel like it helps to cooperate your and my tactic; let others be scared of the rebellers and thus more willing to bend toward the civil people. That's what the Black Panthers and MLK did; one pushed harshly, another pulled gently.
I've never heard of the Stone Butch Blues - I'm gonna look into it, thanks sis.
yeah, don't get me wrong, we absolutely need to fight back - but we need to do that in ways that aren't just CeCe McDonald pulling her little scissors out and desperately fighting off a man who smashed a beer glass on her face and pursued her when she tried to flee. The Black Panthers were an organized group who survived interactions with the police by showing up in force. Individuals on their own get targeted and victimized. When we form groups and fight back together it's much harder to do that.
So I don't really consider punching a bully a form of praxis, nor would I say my decision not to punch was some kind of MLK non-violence in practice - I reject non-violence, but I also reject stupid and risky violence.
Part of the reason we don't have a trans Black Panthers is that we are only 1% of the population, and we're evenly distributed across the population. Except in some rare cases like the Tenderloin in San Francisco or the Meatpacking District in NYC, trans folks have not generally been forced into ghettos together the way racial minorities have been, and that has limited our embodied collective action.
That said, I think trans people might still find protection in groups now through LGBT+ groups. Even if not militant, I do think showing up at a pride parade offers a sense of safety in numbers that connects with what I'm talking about.
Also, personally I lived in the southern US and in the context of an overtly hostile public and being visibly trans, I definitely was more careful about what spaces I went to, and I tended to choose to spend more time in LGBT+ spaces (e.g. there was a trans-owned coffee shop for a time where the community sort of congregated). Part of that is also about having "backup" in the face of random violence or bullying from the public - together we were safer.
Also, I'm not sure I necessarily recommend reading Stone Butch Blues; it's a classic work of queer literature, but it's also a traumatizing read, and not even a particularly trans-affirming book in my opinion. At the very least, read at your own risk.