this post was submitted on 27 Jan 2026
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The AI toilet will not flush if you do not use the "authorized" brand toilet paper.
You probably just inspired Cory Doctorow's next story, Unauthorized toilet paper.
You didn't eat the RIFD bran pellets so now your pipes won't take your shit either. Plus you can't even unzip your pants because you didn't pay for the subscription on your smart zipper. Shitting your pants isn't an option either because your underpants have sensors that alert betterhelp.com if you soil yourself. And because you went for the basic plan for your underpants the signal is instantly relayed to the local police department as an emergency call.
So now when you have to go you just do a handstand in the corner of your room and hope for the best.
You know, a few decades ago I've heard people joke about physical media only becoming download codes in the box or cars requiring software updates to drive, so you better believe this is exactly where we're headed.
gosh...
And pay a $15 subscription for the poop cloud service.
I just pay a guy in India to shit for me.
Gotta upload that pucker scan for sample ID verification.