this post was submitted on 17 Jan 2026
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It sounds like you're trying to "make" her not shy instead of talking to her about what she's feeling and giving her coping mechanisms to deal with that. Exposure therapy type approaches don't really work for something like that. She'll be less shy when she's more comfortable, so I'd suggest working it from that angle instead.
I second this. Only thing I would add is to emphasize the importance of giving your child at least some agency in confronting their own internal issues. I have no desire to teach my children what to think; rather, my hope is to help them learn to think for themselves. I think that idea is related to the issue you're attempting to address.
She's scared kids will be mean to her. None of the hobbies are things she's scared of. She loves doing them with me and neighbor friends.
What coping mechanisms would you suggest in this case?
Is that something she's directly told you or your guess as to her motivations? As someone who in adulthood discovered they were neurodivergent, I grew up thinking I was "shy" because that's what everyone told me. Turns out it was autism with ADHD. My point is just because someone is behaving like they're shy, doesn't mean there isn't something else going on.
As for coping mechanisms, school will be a challenge for her soon, right? Might be helpful to factor that into whatever you ask of her - if she's already stressed/tired from dealing with social situations in school, extra activities may be too much. Also, if she has friends who she does these activities with outside of class, maybe invite one of them to the class with her so she has the anchor of someone she knows?
But most importantly, don't try and shape her into who you think she should be. She may be shy her whole life and that's fine. Everyone doesn't need to be an extrovert.
Yeah, she's told me in pretty much every occasion that she's scared the kids or teacher will be mean, but after a couple classes she's fine. Similar with play dates. She's not stressed by social situations at all (other than new ones), in fact, she craves friends a lot and often tells me that she wants to play with other kids. I'm school and neighborhood, she's often the leader and organizes the games for kids.
I'm not trying to make her extroverted to be clear, but I'd actually say she's more extroverted than me. Shyness isn't introversion. In fact, my push for a hobby is to effectively get her more friends to balance playdates that she wants.