this post was submitted on 07 Jan 2026
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The bible taken literally is madness. Even new testament. If I were to be religious, I would assume everything is a metaphor.
Gonna come at this from kind of a scholarly angle here... Yes. Yes absolutely.
And just for fun, I'll use the Bible to argue in your favor.
You raise the point that even the New Testament (the half that pivots from "follow these rules" to "don't be a douche") shouldn't be taken literally. Some might argue that that's the only part that should be taken literally, but let's take a look at how Jesus chooses to illustrate that message: by doing miracles and relating parables. He's not regaling crowds with true tales of history, he's telling them made-up stories to convey a point about morals.
Hm... Made-up stories to convey a point about morals...
Stories, perhaps, like someone turning into a pillar of salt because they chose to dwell on the past instead of moving on? Or about the value of perseverance and solidarity in the face of continued adversity? Not giving up hope, even when you've lost everything? How murder is just straight up bad?
Lot's Wife, Moses & the Pharaoh, the entire book of Job, Cain & Abel; all from the Old Testament, and all far less believable than the Good Samaritan... But somehow, those stories are to be taken as truth, while a story about a nice guy existing in Samaria is an allegory for the goodness in all of us? It's all parables, all the way down. The New Testament is just parable-ception - it's a made-up (or at least, very heavily embellished) story about a nice guy who tells stories about nice guys.
All religions are mental illness adjacent.
Depends how literally you take it. Ironically, generally the people who take Genesis the most literally take Jesus saying "this is my body" and "this is my blood" the least literally
Imagine believing the earth is 6000 years old but that transubstantiation is bullshit.
Its a lot easier to tell that the bread didn't magically become flesh than to tell how old the earth is tho
The implication is that GOD CREATED THE UNIVERSE
So a guy imbueing a cracker with the spiritual energy of Christ feels a lot less impressive in terms of "magic we're willing to accept"
Idk man, they both believe god created the universe. But one of them is holding a piece of bread and insisting it is in actual substance human flesh.
The Bible literally says it should be taken literally.
That's what makes it so funny.
Even the name says "take me literally".
Back in the day, a man would take an oath on his testicles, "I swear on my balls it is true"
Old and New Testament means "Old and New I swear on my balls this is true"
Im not religious at all.
But if I were, I would believe these were written by flawed humans that were inspired by god, but absolutely filling in blanks with their personal beliefs and stories.
Well that's why you're not religious though. You have that thought. If you were actually religious you would believe that these were literally the words of God spoken through the mouths and pens of the people who wrote them. Cuz that's what religious people actually believe. The fact that most of it's contradictory and impossible logically and none of it lines up is completely ignored by actual religious people. If you can't turn that part of your brain off, or if you never had it I suppose, you aren't going to be "their kind of religious."