I've worked 13 hours straight and had to organize a push to get us fed dinner.
There's a good chance I'm stuck here for 2 more hours, meaning I get 0 time to do anything except sleep and do this again.
I want to quit so badly, but I'm basically forced to be here because this job market is such shit that it took a year to get this job. And I consider myself lucky to have this.
There's a thread on lemmygrad from someone that's also exhausted around the discourse about the American "left". Yes we suck, yes we are privileged compared to a lot of people, yes our organizing is tame and not effective, yes my material conditions mean I'm not doing adventurism and neither are my comrades.
BUT don't claim we're not trying. I know people working two jobs. I technically have 2 jobs and am maybe able to get back on my feet financially in a few months. We still do what we can and it's not enough but we're not at that point. Yeah that's privileged if you call being scared shitless of being homeless and being abused by literally every other human here...
I'm tired
I have a mixed emotion about it. Like, I have had a Playstation in my life. Did having a Playstation make my life appreciably better? Probably not. Like, yeah, It was fun. In a hypothetical world would I have enjoyed like throwing mud at a wall in a bar with my friends more? Probably. Those people I see playing that game in tik tok seem to enjoy it more than most any video game I have played. I am sure there are some luxuries that are actually worth it. I just can't in my head picture it.
yeah i genuinely think my life would be better if i had never seen or touched a computer