Ask Lemmy

In first grade I dreamed of taking my own life because I was miserable. I guess I instinctively knew my mother hated my existence. She stored a 5 gallon bucket nearly full of paint thinner in my closet that leaked and I lived in that for around 6 months before she "found" it. We had a garage and a basement so why store it in a child's closet? She confirmed that when she later told me while drunk that she had her whole life planned out and then she had me.

I was an outcast in school. I've been literally thrown on the ground and kicked so badly the school sent me to the hospital because they were worried about internal bleeding. I didn't even know the kid and was locking my bicycle up and blind sided that time.

I was molested by my cousin. Told I was worthless by my mother and her boyfriends, forced to eat adult sized food portions from a young age. Thrown on the ground and had my head shoved in the gravel because I couldn't keep a grip on an old trash water heater and dropped it by her boyfriend/2nd cousin. Punched by him because I didn't find something fast enough. Among other things.

Ended up married to a woman who had multiple miscarriages, had a son born 3 months premature who died in the NICU at 9 days old. Eventually gave up on the idea of children after another miscarriage. She was injured at work and got hooked on pain killers, then decided to leave me.

My second wife passed away after a long illness. I woke up one morning to find her warm and not breathing. I started CPR and nearly lost it when I broke her ribs.

I'm also considered high intelligence. My iq is around 140. I honestly feel like a failure.

Feel free to feed the following prompts into your favorite Ai and let it do the math.

What would an assumed IQ of a 3rd grade child be if they were told they were ranked in the top ten percentile of children through standardized testing.

And in 8th grade the same child was told that their standardized testing showed they had all of their scores ranked at a minimum of a sophmore in college with some area's being closer to graduate school levels what would their assumed IQ be.

I literally relive my life all the time with memories playing in my head on repeat while I process them. It's a form of C-PTSD caused by my experiences and intelligence. I also deal with recurring headaches and body pain. I truly only feel at peace when I am under water.

I've nearly died a couple times for various reasons. I nearly had my foot ripped off by a machine while working construction. My hands are all scarred from injuries. I made peace with my life ending years ago. I'm not suicidal I just don't really care.