this post was submitted on 02 Jan 2026
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[–] atomicorange@lemmy.world 44 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

Who I want to fuck doesn’t necessarily overlap with who I want to read stories about. I’m happy to read about or even watch sex acts I’d never want to actually participate in.

[–] unknown@piefed.social 23 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) (1 children)

As someone who Identifies as aro/ace and pan (i.e. not interested in having sex or intimate relationships, but still attracted to folk), I cannot upvote this enough.

Getting off to something is very, very different from actually wanting to participate in it irl.

Team footballers and maybe the bear, here.

[–] Dojan@pawb.social 2 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

I think it'd be really weird to need to be able to get off to every character/story you read about. As a gay dude, that'd be a struggle on account of all the hetero characters in all the media. I feel like most of the time I read something that has non-hetero characters in it, they're mostly lesbians, or bisexual.


Completely off-topic, but I've seen your handle a few times now and it makes me happy every time.

[–] unknown@piefed.social 1 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Admittedly I don't actually read yaoi myself, but I was under the impression it was basically just illustrated smut with/without plot, no?

Thank you for the complimemt btw, seeing cat emoticons makes me happy too. ฅ(•˕ •マ₊˚⊹♡

[–] Dojan@pawb.social 2 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Haven't read yaoi myself either, so I wouldn't know, but that's basically what yaoi means. 「ヤマなしオチなし意味なし」, "no climax, point, or meaning."

[–] unknown@piefed.social 2 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago)

That's basically my life. Pity I'm not into it.

[–] AnarchoEngineer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

Fascinating, I’m fine reading or watching stories with characters/romance that don't align with my sexual preferences, but I guess I typically don’t like watching sex-scenes in general even if it is with people I’d be attracted to.

Definitely related to me being on the asexuality spectrum, but im not a fan of sex scenes in shows because I’m not watching the show for porn I wanted a story lol

Anyway, you sound like you might be in the former group I mentioned where you don’t feel sex repulsed by individuals you aren’t sexually attracted to, and you just enjoy the romance/story in general.

Do you have a preference specifically for stories about those you aren’t attracted to? And if so, do you think that preference is related to the kind of sexual relationship directly, or more to the dynamics of the relationships typically portrayed in yaoi vs yuri vs hetero media being different and you prefer a kind of relationship dynamic more common in yaoi than the others?

Honestly the real solution to my curiosity would probably be for me to read a bunch of yaoi and compare, but idk if I’m invested enough for that lol. Plus how am I to know if the yaoi is straight-woman yaoi or gay-man yaoi or lesbian yaoi? (If the meme is accurate I get the feeling I’d dislike straight-women yaoi just for the art style alone, and that would greatly bias my data towards the gay kinds of yaoi lol)

[–] FerretyFever0@fedia.io 4 points 10 hours ago

I'm aroace, and I get that, I'm not a big fan of having to see any sex scenes either. Not a big issue, but the more graphic ones do make me a bit uncomfortable. Sex scenes in stories aren't normally meant for porn though, just for the story, so ir's normally fine.

[–] atomicorange@lemmy.world 6 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago)

I’m also not watching or reading for porn, I’m there for the story. It’s just that sometimes, sex IS the story. Not just romance, but horror, drama, comedy. A well written story can have sex scenes that are about developing love, character growth, interpersonal conflict, trauma, etc. It doesn’t have to be sexy to be a good sex scene. I think that’s actually a lot of the appeal of lesbian yaoi - those sex scenes are more likely to be about WHY the characters are using their dicks than HOW they’re using them.

Not to discount how good lesbian yaoi sex scenes are, thank you ladies for your tireless efforts in making the boys kiss.

How do you know if it’s lesbian yaoi? If a lesbian gives you yaoi, that’s how you know I guess. She will say, “please look at this drawing of Jesus making out with Judas and let me and my girlfriend know what you think” or something like that.