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I’m sorry for your loss, and for everyone in this thread who is grieving. The truth is our culture has no idea how to grieve. We are expected to keep it private, which keeps it stuck in us, as everyone who has posted in this thread can attest to.
I went to a grief ritual in a western African lineage, the Dagara people, and their perspective is that colonialism and the evils of western culture are rooted in an inability to grieve. I don’t disagree.
Sobonfu Somé and Melidoma Somé were brought up by that tribe to teach their grieving rituals in the west. If you can find a Dagara grief ritual near you I cannot recommend it more highly. I’ve been on a 15 year healing journey, over six months of silent Buddhist meditation retreat, over a decade of therapy, many thousands of dollars of trainings and workshops… and some things moved through me in that ritual that nothing had been able to touch prior to that. Sacred Groves on Bainbridge Island in Washington State is where I went.
Anderson Cooper’s podcast on grief is excellent. The best book on the subject that I know of, partially inspired by the Dagara rituals, is the Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller. He’s interviewed on Anderson’s podcast here.
I hope these resources help. You’re not alone in struggling with grief.
I had both grandparents, my stepfather, and my cat all die within a year and a half, then got fired because my performance started slipping.
I can't spend thousands of dollars to grieve, I have to suck it up and be a better robot. There is no other option for me.
I’m very sorry to hear that. The ritual was a couple hundred bucks for a weekend and they accepted less for financial hardship. I hope you can get some support.