Programmer Humor

"True. It'll be perfectly fine, and because of that, you won't need me on call when it all goes dramatically wrong. If you need access to the repo, I'll add you in though. Good luck."

Or, if you've worked together a while "like I overthought it when we worked on x, and y went wrong, and I called it before it happened. Turns out I'm quite good at seeing car crashes in advance."

Thats a scheduling issue on your end. I've given the time estimate my team needs. You can adjust expectations and shift around my allocated time but it will take x hours no matter what.

There is no putting up with half of these complaints. They just arent real things that occur in a workplace.

"Why are we only learning about this now? How long has this requirement been known? I think we need to look into the process that work comes into the team otherwise, if we don't learn, we are going to take the website down and cost the company thousands/millions. It's worth working with the business to get a batter understanding of upcoming requirements so we know what's going to be needed in a months time". There is a reason retros exist. Oh, and you have to be good at teasing out real deadlines vs arbitrary deadlines made up with no justifiable reason.

"You ask me how long it'll take, and it's 3 days. You probably need to manage expectations on this. Maybe let them know the risks of x, y and z and why it will take this long".