Recent developments in US politics... naturalized citizens like me might be at risk...
So... anyways... it got me thinking a lot...
Like... there's this alternate timelime where I never got to learned English... cuz the only reason I know this language is cuz I came to the US.
This language has been part of my identity since... like most of the life I remember...
So I have aunts and cousins in China that are still on an immigration backlog, and they've been on waitlist for like a decade, they're probably adults now, I think, no idea if they still are considered a dependent to come with the aunts (my mother's sisters) as they are he primary beneficiaries of the visa application, dependents are derivatives.... so if they are over 21, idk if they're still allowed to come to the US, not a lawyer...
but the again, not sure if they will ultimately even decide to come, considering... it's a lot to move countries... I remember feeling anxious when I first got here, and also it's not the 2010s anymore, its 2025, lots has changed, those cousins probably got used to growing up over there...
Okay I sound like I'm rambling...
but my point is, this got me thinking about myself
like... what if I was never here... like... I was there in China all this time...
Who the hell am I?
What is this weird timeline... why am I here?
Like I feel like everytime something happens in life, I'm always gonna obsess about that point in the timeline where the timeline diverges on two different timelines.
Feels so weird to say I'm "American"
It's just a paper that can be revoked at anytime, like when constitutionalism breaks down, like... glances at the news
Lol I have no idea what even is "Chinese Culture" anymore, as an introvert I did not like holidays, so kinda felt so left out when visiting extended family members (in the US)
Like I just know red envelopes, and they say a bunch of like... I guess "prayers" in Chinese (?) stuff? Burning incense and like those faux "heaven money" thing as a ritual, then like they say a bunch of things. Also moon festival thing (中秋節)... Idk what they're doing most of these holidays, not interested lol, wanna just like... chill or something... Probably makes me "not Chinese".
Idk... I don't exactly like "tradition". (Lunar) New years stuff is too loud, makes me anxious and hurts my ears.
Then again, I don't like turkey, so idk if I'm even "American" either. I don't like sports... which apparantly you need to in order to be "American" (??? is that a thing or just a stereotype? people talk about sports too much lol)
So I guess: Introverts of the world, Unite?
United Federation of "Pls don't enter my bubble, I need to 'recharge my social battery'"
xD
I speak Cantoese... sort of... I have trouble talking to parents.
My Mandarin has not been in use for 15 years lol.
I probably talk like a 2nd grader, since that's the extent of when Chinese education ended (when I left)
I like the idea of visiting, but don't wanna like actually live there... Just for example: VPNs can break anytime as they roll out some AI traffic analysis firewall stuff.
I remember my mom warning me about food safety stuff when I was a kid, no clue if they have fixed that stuff yet, corruption runs rampant there.
Thanks for taking the time to write back. That was an interesting viewpoint.
I’ve met some immigrants who seem to fall between cultures and languages. They are not 50/50. More like 40% each culture and 20% something that doesn’t seem to fit anywhere. It’s a pretty rough identity to have. Some of them seem to embrace the concept of being a world citizen instead. Have you thought about it that way?
Random Person: "So are you Chinese or American?"
Me: "Um... 'Earth Must Come First'?'
(The Expanse Reference)
But seriously tho, "World Citizen" isn't a real thing (not yet at least), so I sound like some silly Sov-Cit if I actually say that irl.