Recent developments in US politics... naturalized citizens like me might be at risk...
So... anyways... it got me thinking a lot...
Like... there's this alternate timelime where I never got to learned English... cuz the only reason I know this language is cuz I came to the US.
This language has been part of my identity since... like most of the life I remember...
So I have aunts and cousins in China that are still on an immigration backlog, and they've been on waitlist for like a decade, they're probably adults now, I think, no idea if they still are considered a dependent to come with the aunts (my mother's sisters) as they are he primary beneficiaries of the visa application, dependents are derivatives.... so if they are over 21, idk if they're still allowed to come to the US, not a lawyer...
but the again, not sure if they will ultimately even decide to come, considering... it's a lot to move countries... I remember feeling anxious when I first got here, and also it's not the 2010s anymore, its 2025, lots has changed, those cousins probably got used to growing up over there...
Okay I sound like I'm rambling...
but my point is, this got me thinking about myself
like... what if I was never here... like... I was there in China all this time...
Who the hell am I?
What is this weird timeline... why am I here?
Like I feel like everytime something happens in life, I'm always gonna obsess about that point in the timeline where the timeline diverges on two different timelines.
Feels so weird to say I'm "American"
It's just a paper that can be revoked at anytime, like when constitutionalism breaks down, like... glances at the news
From what you speak, you don't seem to have tended to your cultural / spiritual roots.
Solution is simple, to reestablish connection and to create bridges.
Visit your family in China. Speak, eat, breathe, talk, exist as a Chinese person with all the meaning that it entails.
But don't disregard the identity you acquired. You chose a path, you gained a long series of memories, turn that into wisdom and utilize it in your future.
Too much focus on things from a westerners perspective you have. That's what holds you back. Gain the perspectives of a Chinese person, and merge it together to be a wholer you.