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broke up with my partner of 4 years two weeks ago. is it ever gonna start feeling better lol (hexbear.net)

submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by revolut1917@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

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this really sucks. she's with someone else and says that maybe one day we can try again but not now. i'm in pieces trying to move on. i really thought things were going better than for a long time between us, but...

i am afraid that i'll never find someone i connect with as deeply as her. she was my first and only love and i'm truly heartbroken. will it ever be ok again? does anyone know any good coping strategies or ways to deal with this?

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[–] Florn@hexbear.net 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

This is validating for me to read. I was talking with my ex about being friends, but the question that got her to cut contact is whether I would be more to her than someone who worries about her.

[–] purpleworm@hexbear.net 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, I probably make it obvious from how I write about it that I've been stuck in that situation before, where my partner takes me completely for granted to the point that, at least for a while, what dumping me meant was not that they lose anything but that they have me on hand whenever they feel like it (such as when someone they're actually into treats them poorly and they have no one else who is willing to listen to them, or maybe they just want to fuck around with me) and I don't exist otherwise. In a perverse way, dumping me was like a lifestyle upgrade because they didn't need to give me any thought but I was still just as willing to do anything for them, and they actively counted on that being true. While it was cruel of them, fundamentally it still only happened because I didn't have a spine and didn't set firm boundaries for my own sake because I was so desperate.

I'm glad that you had the lucidity to ask what you did. That took me way too long to develop.

[–] Florn@hexbear.net 2 points 4 months ago

Unfortunately, it took me about a year after I stopped feeling like she really loved me to break up with her.