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I feel like I derive so much of my identity from my past, and its just weighing me down at this point. How do I drop it? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) by SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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I had quite a shitty life when I was younger and I feel like it's come to define me. Since I had no control over what my actual life looked like, I instead chose to define my identity by what I wanted it to look like, and what I would have done had I had the freedom to choose. So I based my identity on my made up story instead of my actual story.

FFW to today and I finally have a lot more say over what my life actually looks like. I feel like those past wishes are kinda burdening me now. I feel indebted to my past self to finally do those things I wished I could do back then in order to realize that story that I had always identified with. Because if I don't, there will be nothing in my past for me to identify with me other than that shitty life that I didn't choose.

But I've realized this is a mistake. I've realized I don't ever plan my future without first thinking of my past. This can't be good. By doing that, I am being held captive by my own history which I didn't chose. Playing catch-up with the past to fulfill the plans I based my identity on might feel very right, but it would cost a lot of time. I'd never catch up with my peers who are content with their historu and living in the present.

How do I unlearn this? It feels so deeply rooted in the way I see myself that it's gonna need some psycho shit like shrooms or something to even make my mind aware of what it's doing

Edit: I do plan on going to counselling but I wanted to see what Lemmy thinks first

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[–] gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

The way of the stoic, you cannot change your past. You cannot bury it, that way leads to madness.

What you can, and should do, it's change how you react to it, through introspection, support from experts, and some folks state that meditation helps

[–] cRazi_man@europe.pub 3 points 4 days ago

People tend to jump to recommend therapy, but that isn't affordable, accessible or required for every problem.

Pleased to see your recommendation start with self help. The majority of our issues need thinking, reading, listening, digesting, processing, rethinking, getting perspectives, looking at resources, revaluating our lives.

Some might need professional help or medication, but the idea of self help with resources doesnt get mentioned enough. Philosophy is a great thing to get into to explore new ways to think about issues.