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my partner has been mentally unwell and i can't be there for them. (lemmings.world)

submitted 5 days ago by StupidIdiot@lemmings.world to c/goodoffmychest@lemmy.world

12 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Cross-posted from "my partner has been mentally unwell and i can't be there for them." by @StupidIdiot@lemmings.world in !relationship_advice@lemmy.world

i feel like they can't expect me to do what they want in the relationship (spend more time with them and not friends and Super Mario/Nintendo games) but rather they should do what i want, which is just play with me and realize i can't be there for them.

i wouldn't call myself a Nintendo addict, but i do play for very long hours without even talking to my partner. yes, i've seen the other gaming post as a fedi lurker, but i also have a similar relationship. i don't talk to them because i'm so absorbed in my game that i forget and don't even think about them. i only think about them when i'm not playing a game, which is admittedly rarely, though i would never tell them this.

i can't be there for them when they're upset nor can i talk to them through their depression and anxiety because i'm busy on a game, but i really feel like they should give gaming a try. it's a fun form of escapism and shooters and Super Mario really help.

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[–] waterSticksToMyBalls@lemmy.world 9 points 5 days ago (2 children)

The fact that spend time with partner, spend time with friends, and play Nintendo games are all on the same level for you should tell you all you need to know.

[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Id argue in practice they aren't on the same level. In theory being on the same level would be 6ish hours for each (games, partner, friends) then the rest for sleep in an average day. In practice games take 11+ hours a day so games are getting the majority of waking hours and could be considered the most important compared to the other 2 from a time commitment perspective.

[–] waterSticksToMyBalls@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Yeah 11+ hours a day is insane

[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago

If i put in 11 hours into games across a 2 day weekend, i end up paying for it the next week because I'll be behind on chores or other projects that should have been done. Tbf i work a lot of overtime so many weekly chores get pushed to the weekend.

[–] StupidIdiot@lemmings.world -5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

yeah, partner and games are equally important to me.

[–] KyuubiNoKitsune@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 5 days ago

See, your words say that they are equal, but your actions (and other words) , say that they are not. If they were equal, you would be spending 5h gaming and 5h with them.

I don't think you should be in this relationship, not for yourself and especially not for them. This kind of lopsided priorities will destroy the other person's self esteem and make them feel worthless.

But, because from what you've said, you care about gaming more than anything, think of it this way, you get to drop the baggage in lieu of being able to spend more time gaming.