technology

The great thing about tech work is that I worked in tech doing software engineering in the pre-personal-disaster times and I still have almost no idea what any of what you're saying means.

TBF I didn't understand 30% of what my coworkers were saying anyway. Sure, we can totally use poetry and lint to make installing packages and standardizing our style easier, that's definitely more comprehensive than just using the tried and true requirements.txt and pyenv and having a list of stylistic conventions to consult when writing code. Oh, you want to try adding Glorple to Docker because Github Copilot said it'll help? Go off, who am I to object. I blink and look away for five seconds and instead of using Vue we're going to use Onigiri because it's got a slightly different approach to JS or TS, I still don't know which one we're actually using because nobody can explain to me what the difference between a language and a framework is. The guy who got us using poetry has been fired despite being more competent than the rest of us, but we're still stuck with this tool I can't force myself to learn because the old way worked fine and was comprehensible, human readable, while this poetry stuff is 1. harder to comprehend, and 2. NOT POETIC THEREFORE IT IS NOT POETRY. POETRY IS WHEN WILFRED OWEN LAMENTED ABOUT WAR CRIMES IN WW1, NOT WHATEVER THIS ABOMINATION IS.

Meanwhile someone else has innovated where innovation was not needed and he's telling me we need to incorporate Cheesecake, which I can get at Fort Something. I ask if there's any licensing requirements. He acts like I'm being a stickler for asking these questions, which I was trained to ask at a previous job because there can be severe financial consequences for companies caught using software without the right license. "It's open source, cuddle". "Yes but I've seen stuff that was free for individuals but companies needed an enterprise license and at my last job we'd ask the legal nerds to get us licenses, is this one of those cases? Kind of looks like it to me." "Dammit. Alright fine, we won't use Cheesecake, we'll use Camembert-Flatbread instead, it's similar but doesn't have that licensing language." Me: Still at that Fort? I can't find the Fort on Google Maps. Coworker: No it's a website. Me: But why's it called a fort? Is there some military thing going on here, because I won't touch anything military. Him: No they just thought the name sounded cool.

So then, feeling like I'm being trolled by my manchild of a supervisor, I google search for Camembert-Flatbread at Fort Something only to discover it's real, and then I have to deal with the indignity of using such a ridiculously named tool.

(I made up some of these words but it doesn't matter because if I didn't know I'd made them up I legitimately wouldn't be able to tell it was made up)

(2 bloody years at that job and if someone asked me to explain what I did I wouldn't even be able to explain beyond "I wrote code to make things do things in an application that did other things. Language? Python, and some other shit I don't know what it's called.")