this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2025
1253 points (99.0% liked)

Not The Onion

18248 readers
1862 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] YurkshireLad@lemmy.ca 34 points 1 week ago (6 children)

Somewhere, one single person was raptured and wondering where everyone else is. No one else noticed their absence. But the rapture did happen.

“Just me? Really?”

[–] lime@feddit.nu 14 points 1 week ago

small gods was right all along

[–] BanMe@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago

This happened in AD 221.

[–] konalt@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The rapture happened ages ago, but none of us went to heaven. We're staying along for the ride.

[–] jj4211@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

Because it's impossible to be good, in the words of Eleanor Shellstrop: "There's this chicken sandwich that if you eat it, it means you hate gay people. And it's delicious!"

[–] Psythik@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I'm sorry but Chick-fil-A is bland as fuck and I'll never understand why people love it so much. The chicken is always dry, the sauce selection sucks, and the lettuce & tomato are always warm & soggy. I just don't get it. Even by fast food standards, the quality is shit. I've been to multiple locations and they're all the same.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It's too bad there's only one fried chicken restaurant in existence

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Simply do this for every product you buy, or go to the Bad Place.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I feel like you can keep track of the ones actively doing genocide and famous for it when they're just one franchise instead of a megaconglomerate that makes everything under two hundred different labels.

Go to Popeyes instead of getting in line with the rest of the WASPs, it's not a big ask.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

Yes Lot, just don't look back, or I'll kill you.

[–] Dragomus@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

And then the probing began.

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

The one raptured dude was super high on fent so they assumed it was an OD.