this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2025
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Telling people "calm down" is a very unconstructive de-escalation tactic because it has no substance. People respond much better if you address specific conduct, explain a potential consequence, ask for something else, and then give space.
For example, when someone needs to calm down, I tell them "You'd better fix that attitude problem of yours before it gets you into trouble", and then as soon as they begin to respond I interrupt with "Close your mouth" and I walk away. This makes people realize they're overreacting and they calm down right away.
None of that sounds productive to me. It seems accusatory and self-satisfied to the point of being abusive. Sounds like the kind of things infuriatingly rude people say and do to try and deflect from their own toxicity.
You better fix that attitude problem before it lands you in some trouble.