this post was submitted on 30 Aug 2025
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Sorry you're being subjected to this
This is not a you & that parent problem. It's a you and your partner problem, because your partner is not protecting you from their parent.
Long ago an uncle of my (white) then-partner asked them if I was a terrorist. As a result, that partner made sure I never met that uncle. Your partner should not be subjecting you to this relative, and it's worth a conversation with them about why they haven't addressed this problem yet.
When the racist parent said "Are you a insert my race-sympathizer?" my partner defended me with, "I'm a patriot."
They still hang out. Some boundaries are set, but very loosely.
I'm sorry. That's honestly one of the worst racist assumptions to get. Speaking of that, my partner's other parent said "If you go to insert the main country of my people, they execute you." That one is more misinformed than hateful, and this comment did not hurt my feelings nearly as much, but my partner did not correct them on it. It went unacknowledged. This parent is otherwise super nice and helpful towards me. Despite them being misinformed, I don't think this parent hates me.
Oh I didn't see your edit, so to the edit: idk about the hatred part but racists will commonly do carve-outs that'll make individual poc they know "one of the good ones". It doesn't make it better. Your partner has a responsibility to handle this better, because it's their family.
*sigh This label hurts deeper as I grow more aware of racism.
Actually, interestingly enough, my white partner is far more aware of racism than I am. So if they aren't aware of something being racist, it's an extra messed up situation.
Dang. And yeah actually, I had a related experience when I was in college, I made some ignorant comment about racism, a white friend said "you should look up what 'institutional racism is' ", I looked it up thinking "pssh, what does he know, he's probably wron—— oh my fucking god this explains so much about my life, time to be very angry."
I just looked up the topic of institutional racism. I had to stop after one PowerPoint slide because I'm so sad.
Have you read the lyrics to the song Chocolate Rain? In my head, I usually tie the topic of institutional racism to the African American experience through other's words, like these. But I don't usually tie the topic to my race. I think it'd be helpful to study a few facts at a time of what institutional racism is so I don't have as much of a blind spot in recognizing racism towards me.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but yeah. It's a sad reality to face.
Love be Chocolate Rain, I didn't like how people made fun of it as "bad" or "silly". A bit repetitive, but catchy, decent, poetic, and deep. Institutional racism affects all races. White Supremacy was wielded hardest against black people but it is applied viciously against other groups too
Repetitiveness can be used well, and I think he made perfect use of it.
When I was a child, I read a story with an American child and their immigrant parent with an accent in a US hospital. That the front desk was besically dismissing and shooing away the parent each time they ask where their xrays were. Then, hours later, the child asked in perfect English, and they handed the xrays shortly after. I forgot all about that story until I read that PowerPoint slide. I'm enormously sad over that.