this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2025
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When I was younger, I assumed that trans people wanted to transition because they felt their personality wasn't their "assigned at birth" sex. And thus, because of society's expectations that "men should dress and act this way" and "women have to do/be this," a lot of people who didn't meet that would be trans. But as I met and talked to more people, both trans and agender/genderfluid/etc., it does seem like those with body dysphoria actually feel uncomfortable in their bodies, and want a different body. But I've never actually asked any trans friends about it, because it does feel too personal, even though some of them are very good friends.
So, my question: if there were no gender norms or societal expectations, would you still want to transition? Would that answer change if surgery/hormones aren't desired, and you instead do want to keep the body you were born with?
I'm relatively old for a non-binary person, so I didn't realize I'm trans until my late 20s. But I identified as a feminist starting in my early teens and majored in Women's and Gender Studies in college. I put about as much work into deconstructing my view on gender norms as one person reasonably could. But it wasn't until I gave myself permission to lay down the burden of trying to be a woman that I started to feel like the rest of my life was worth living.
I haven't tried HRT or surgery, but having gender affirming clothing, hair, name and pronouns (ie. socially transitioning), and having people in my life who respect my name and pronouns, has been extremely helpful in letting me be comfortable enough to live my life.