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what questions do you have but don't feel you can ask trans people? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 5 days ago by dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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Politeness norms seem to keep a lot of folks from discussing or asking their trans friends questions they have, I figured at the very least I could help try to fill the gap. Lemmy has a decent trans population who might be able to provide their perspectives, as well.

Mostly I'm interested in what people are holding back.

The questions I've been asked IRL:

why / how did you pick your name?
how long have you known?
how long before you are done transitioning?
how long do you have to be on HRT?
is transgender like being transracial?
what do the surgeries involve?

For the most part, though, I get silence - people don't want to talk about it, or are afraid to. A lot of times the anxiety is in not knowing how to behave or what would be offensive or not. Some people have been relieved when they learned all they needed to do is see me as my gender, since that became very simple and easy for them.

If there are trans people you know IRL, do you feel you can talk to them about it? Not everyone is as open about it as I am, and questions can be feel rude, so I understand why people would feel hesitant to talk to me, but even when I open the door, people rarely take the opportunity.

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[–] blue@midwest.social 1 points 3 days ago

I'm relatively old for a non-binary person, so I didn't realize I'm trans until my late 20s. But I identified as a feminist starting in my early teens and majored in Women's and Gender Studies in college. I put about as much work into deconstructing my view on gender norms as one person reasonably could. But it wasn't until I gave myself permission to lay down the burden of trying to be a woman that I started to feel like the rest of my life was worth living.

I haven't tried HRT or surgery, but having gender affirming clothing, hair, name and pronouns (ie. socially transitioning), and having people in my life who respect my name and pronouns, has been extremely helpful in letting me be comfortable enough to live my life.