this post was submitted on 11 Aug 2025
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tmi and suicidal ideation
I'm probably somewhere on the ace spectrum. I settled on demisexual for now. My partner is hypersexual.So we have sex once a week, which was agreed upon via therapy. I guess that is not enough and now my wife of 13 years wants to either have an open relationship or get divorced.
I have been going through severe burnout/meltdowns again and am almost as depressed as I've ever been(again). I'm personally trying to figure out how to keep going and not kill myself because we have 2 kids together. I do not want to do my job anymore but don't want to quit because I need money. I also don't wanna spend 2 years agaon finding a another job just to get burned out 6 months later. My web dev business is not doing anything at all and I'm even suffering from skill regression so now I feel like a fraud regardless. I've been dissociating with video games and music to deal with my depression and neglecting chores just to get through but even games and music just feel numb now. I come home from work super fucking pissed and unregulated and end up yelling at the kids all evening. They house is a fucking mess and I'm afraid my youngest is gonna break our new tv after finally getting it replaced. He broke the last one by throwing a sippy cup full of milk at it. I have anger issues, I'm burned out. At work I basically have one solid 10 hour meltdown each day that is now starting to take a physical toll on my body. I think I broke my toe from it. I have a scab on my knuckle that keeps breaking open and I'm sure it's infected(or close to, it won't heal). I can't walk the next day after work and every day I feel like my back is about to give out. I have a college degree and graduated top of my class and can't even find an entry level position for my field. But that doesn't matter anyway because I'd just get burned out after 6 months and get fired anyway. Also after 8 months of trying to organize, my PSL chapter is down to 3 people and one isn't even active and the other is a radlib. Another org literally stole our onboarding process and all of my onboarding candidates, several right in front of me..
But my wife is talking about divorce or open marriage because I'm mentally disabled. If she leaves, I'm homeless. I don't have anything. I'm $70,000+ in debt. I have no cash to spend and nowhere to go. My car barely runs. My computer is a piece of shit and that's the only possible source of income I'd have if I lost my job, but again, no one wants to pay for websites. I'm too old to start over too. I donno I guess that's the rant. I'm gonna go do drugs or something now.
Oh Roux
I am so sorry, this is literally the worst of all rolled into one. Have you tried telling your wife how you're feeling? And how much what she suggests scares you on top of everything else?Does your therapist have any ideas to help relieve the stress? Work itself won't become easier magically, we all know that, but maybe there's a way to make it mentally bearable. Then again, I'm only hoping here.
Is your youngest old enough to understand they shouldn't throw liquids at electronic devices? If yes, maybe talking to them and explaining why it's dangerous could help. If not, well... hopefully, they'll grow old enough to understand soon.
In general, if you come home stressed and find yourself yelling at the kids, have you tried talking to them about how stressed you feel at some other time? I don't mean unloading your burden on the kids, naturally, but maybe explaining how exhausted you feel might help them give you some space.
As for chores, these have to fall under the bus if everything else is falling apart. I'm a big fan of cleaning and keeping everything tidy, but if the psyche is brittle to a point where the slightest push can break it, I don't think doing the laundry ranks high on the list of important things to do. Maybe you can talk to your wife about that too?
I'm just thinking out loud, trying to find solutions, but I honestly don't know what you can/could do. I just hope that talking to your wife (and your kids) might help make you and them feel understood. Don't give up, I believe in you.