this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2025
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Microblog Memes
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I'd like to take this opportunity to say sorry to all the people that ended up buying the WD-40s I stole the straw off of.
Man, i mean while we're fessing up to these things...
If you bought a PC gamer magazine from Barnes and noble back in like 2004 and the demo disc was missing, I'm so sorry.
Oh, are we confessing to ~~minor~~ thefts? Let's see, what's beyond 7 years old...
A Hogwarts robe clip from a Halloween costume
$12 in expired powerbars
About $200 in assorted mediocre liquor from some wedding
4 posters from bus stops for the Scooby-Doo movie
A 1999 Ford Explorer
7 Playboys and a bag of old coins
97 million kisses from my missus
(Edit: the largest thefts are the kisses)
I'm telling the missus that you think her kisses are only minor theft worthy!
At scale, it's a felony, I promise!
I used to shoplift handheld electronic games, stuff like Electronic Quarterback by Coleco. I was a paper boy and I would walk into stores with my bag around my shoulder and just grab games off the counter and slip them in the bag. What blows my mind now is that this was even possible - this was the late 1970s and apparently I was something of an innovator because the stores never suspected anything or searched kids, and the electronic games were just sitting out on counters. It wasn't long after this that stores started only allowing two kids into the store at a time and shit like that, and searching them when they left.
You're welcome, subsequent generations of would-be shoplifters! You'll never know just how fucking easy we had it.
Shame on you
I once ate the baby carrots from the grocery store, right off the display. I am not sorry about it.
I don't think there's anything in that story to be sorry about.
There is, you need to wash vegetables before you eat them
I'm pretty sure baby carrots are prewashed.
Edit: Oh, perhaps you don't know this. In which case, I'd love to be the one to tell you: baby carrots are just cut up regular carrots.
Even if they're prewashed, they're lying in a crowded supermarket on display all day. You don't know who touched them and who sneezed on them, but you can know for a fact, someone did, and most people don't wash hands.