this post was submitted on 13 Jul 2025
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Where does this dissonance come from? I have lots of energy & initiative to care for others but struggle to care for myself. (hexbear.net)
submitted 5 days ago by bubbalu@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
24 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/5550838

For example, this week I spent 6 hours helping a friend fix their roof & 0 fixing the leak in my roof. Most of the meals that I cooked were when I had company or going to a potluck. It takes me until the umpteenth 'let me just squish it down' and the flies start buzzing to take the trash out....

...It feels like if I were a stranger, I would take better care of myself than I do, if that makes sense?

In general, I feel like I am a very values- and care-driven person. Like what feels meaningful is taking care of my community and working towards the world I want to live in. I have a good reputation in my community & activist circles for consistent work and following through on what I commit to do....

...none of that seems to apply to myself! My dishes sit in the sink for days, and I usually only bathe in preparation for public events.

This will not do! How do I treat myself like I treat others? Ahhhh!

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[–] Wmill@hexbear.net 9 points 5 days ago

I got the same deal but noticed my quality of help suffers if I don't help myself first. I do all the cooking at home and if someone's hungry I'm quick to feed them before myself but what ends up happening is I start making mistakes or delivery a poorer quality of care when I do that vs if I eat something first then help. Bigger goals I think I tend to take on other's struggles for them so I don't have to think about what I need to do too, it's left me stunted in many regards and I've come away frustrated when I'm not allowed to help (mind you I was never asked for help to begin with but that's another story)