Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
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This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.
Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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There have been many great replies already but I wanted to share my Thrift Store Journey in case it helps.
My first issue was simply getting up the courage to start the process of creating my new wardrobe. I had already donated a bunch of my old clothes to make room in my drawers, and took everything else out and organized them in a more thoughtful way. Now I have a drawer dedicated to my skirts and pants, and one for my shirts/blouses etc. Also made room in closets to hang dresses and such.
My first clothes shopping experience was with target, and I went with the idea that I was just looking for 1 thing to try so I could figure out sizing better. I ended up with a pair of high waisted stretch pants and then bought a second pair from them online. My experience at Target was OK, I even asked an associate about the size and checked on how the changing rooms worked and there wasn't any problems. But I was SUPER nervous the whole time.
A couple months later I finally worked up enough confidence to try the thrift store near me. I have now visited it a total of 5 times. I tried to go just after they opened and I spent about 3 hours each time. Here's what my (approximately) $300 got me so far:
The dresses were the most frustrating thing to buy. Sizing is TERRIBLE and I had to try on probably 30 or 40 dresses (no lie) to find the 3 I eventually got. Some of the dresses I went really large on size and they still didn't fit. I think I got super lucky to even find 3. They were also more expensive than the other clothes. Generally everything else was $4 to $6 but the dresses were more like $7 and up. The most expensive was around $12.
Each time was very hit or miss. First time I got super lucky and pulled in several shirts, blouses and skirts.
The second time I had way too many things that I really really wanted but just barely didn't fit. However, I did pick up a skirt I'd found the first time, but at the time couldn't figure out how to get into it lol. It has a tiny hook and a little zipper that is hidden. Really cute but I was afraid of breaking it the first time because I couldn't see the zipper so I put it back. One of the other 5 visits was also very good. By the 5th time I was much more relaxed and focused. They had 5 changing rooms, so sometimes I had to wait a little while.
The other thing that really helped is I started keeping notes on what I liked and what I wanted to try and get the next time I went. Also, when I got home each time I laid out everything on my bed and cut the tags off and took pictures so that I could remember what I got. At this point I have a solid core going, but I still need some warmer clothes to wear in the fall/winter so I'm sure I'll be going back there eventually.
This may have already been mentioned but one thing that I started being very careful about is looking at every seam and checking for threads coming loose. One of the neat shirts I got ended up having a small tear at the collar so I don't really want to wear it until I can learn how to sew that together. Once I made that mistake I was alot more careful when shopping.
The other thing I noticed is that spending that many hours peeling through the racks with all the different metal hangers was absolute hell on my hands and especially my nails. Almost every time I went I had to trim my nails because I'd nicked them so much.
I started keeping a mental list of the "cheap" clothing like Shein etc and tried to stay away from that stuff. I found some website that had like 40 different cheap brands listed, what they called "fast fashion" and made every effort to shy away from those wherever possible.
Overall it was a great experience and I have discovered that I really enjoy shopping now. I also really love trying to figure out what I'm going to wear in the morning. Sometimes I have a vision the night before and set my clothes out for the next day. I tried to get some things that have some similar colors and some things that were just mono color and that has been really smart. Several items go with several other items so I try to wear what suits my mood and the weather.
That's all I can think of for now. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully you have a decent thrift store near you!