this post was submitted on 27 Apr 2025
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"You know that friend that you loved? He was a piece of shit and so are you for caring about him"
Yeah basically. The person is still there. You should celebrate, not mourn, that the person you love is taking a step towards who they want to be. Acting like you lost something is incredibly hurtful, because the person is still right there, they're just changing. If their gender expression is the only thing that made them important to you then yes, you're a piece of shit.
The friend is not gone. This implies that you cared about who they were and not who they are. Any mourning is just an indicator that you don't actually love this person, you love who you thought they were and don't actually care about their happiness. Abusive behavior.
I'm not philosophizing. I'm interpreting what the person in OPs screenshot was saying, which seems to be "fuck you for caring about the person I was when you got to know me".
No, it's about the person they thought they were. You don't magically transform into a different person when you transition. You just become more authentically the person you already were.
If your "friend" has a problem with you because they find out you're trans, they're a bigot.
That person still exists. Mourning their loss shows you don't actually love them as they are.
I don't think that's fair. You can be happy for what someone achieved and mourn what you used to have at the same time. I have friends who got married and had kids. They're happy and I'm happy for them. I'm still sad the old days are over when we could just drink beer in the back yard whenever we felt like it.
What do you lose when someone transitions? They're still the same person, just happier and expressing themselves truly. You lose nothing. The only loss to be mourned would be a relationship that's no longer compatible. It's a change, but it's a positive one, and expressing any form of loss to someone going through such a difficult and scary time is incredibly hurtful.
How is that analogous to transitioning, though? You can do the same things with your trans friends as with your cis friends, right?
Though, you generally don't tell that to their face, not in that way, and certainly not when they're confiding in you about/celebrating finding themselves. That's simply hurtful, and beyond rude.
You generally won't go up to your friends on their wedding day, and say the same phrase. You're more likely to put it as "I'll miss drinking with you in the back yard, but I'm happy you're happy", and not as a seriously-spoken "It's like watching my friend die!".