Started with caffeine as a child and never really stopped. School was a problem and I sought solace in cannabis as a teen. Eventually cannabis became toxic to my mental health and I quit it in my twenties, and alcohol somewhat filled the void. A ten year hiatus from all substances ensued but I hated my job and went back to education to retrain and this is where I really got into it with drugs.

Motivating long and boring tasks is ADHD kryptonite, as I'm sure many here are familiar. This particular motivational mountain was a PhD thesis and my weapons of choice were opioids, cocaine, amphetamine and benzodiazepines. Opioids are great for motivation, stimulants sharpen the concentration and benzos let me sleep. I was unaware of ADHD at this time but I knew something was wrong and that this cocktail was completely unsustainable.

Fast forward three years and I finally learn why I seek these things, it's ADHD, duh. Now I have the correct medication and therapy I never think about drugs. I'm happy and productive, I can work on undoing forty years of pretending to be someone without an attention deficit.