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101

What is a personality trait that you’re working on? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 year ago by Lemmylefty@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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I’ve become aware, as I get older, how my initial emotional reaction to conflict isn’t always fair and is usually pointed backward, defensive and angry. I also know that I do better if I have time alone to process how I’m feeling, and often by the time I’m done things have moved on.

What I’ve been working on is to stop using excuses - the moment has passed, I’d just be dredging up the same argument, I’ve had this conversation in my head a bunch but they never turn out exactly right - and just go back to the people involved and tell them how I feel because they deserve that effort. There have been disagreements I’ve had where I wasn’t in the wrong but the other party did something I can admire and appreciate, and it doesn’t hurt me any to say that.

And it never ends with what I imagine is “argument perfection”: a point by point discussion of intent and action and history. Which is silly because life is messy but it gets better and I and others grow more patient and willing to move forward if I’m not always bracing for a blow.

That’s…probably a bit confusing, but it’s been something I’ve been mulling over, so…what personality traits of yours are you working on?

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[–] chaircat 3 points 1 year ago

That's an axiom that people always just themselves by their intent and others by their actions.

This leads to excuses for themselves and harshness on others until proven otherwise.

I've been trying lately to internalize my understanding of this to fight my natural impulse to fall into this universally human trap. Basically, be a kinder person by judging the actions of others by considering plausible reasons they may have had for doing something that rubs me the wrong way. Also the opposite, and being understanding when someone flips out on me for something I did because they don't have access to all of my mental state that led me to that point.