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Anon gives up dating apps (sh.itjust.works)
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[-] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 29 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Legit though, why be rude to a fellow for rolling up politely as a dude? Like, if he's hitting on you and it isn't welcome, you tell them up bugger off politely. But just someone looking for some conversation? Man, I actually dislike strangers in general, I've got PTSD issues. But I still wouldn't automatically push the guy away without a solid explanation. And I'm actually known for being blunt about things in public. But when you go to some places, including bars, there's an assumption that it's a shared space and you treat other people as well as they'll allow.

Like, if you aren't willing to be polite and at least explain why a stranger isn't welcome in your group, maybe a bar isn't the best place to meet up? Nobody is obligated to welcome them in with open arms if they don't want to, but you do it nicely because that's a fellow human being trying to be social and friendly. You say, "hey man, sorry, this is an in group situation, we're here as an established group doing our thing." You don't dis them, you don't act like they're bad for looking at you and your group and thinking "maybe those dudes could be cool to hang with". That's a good thing if someone thinks you and your crew are interesting.

I dunno, maybe I'm fucking weird, but as much as I hate crowded places, and dislike random contact, I can't think of a single time where I would have rejected someone without a friendly explanation why.

We gotta be better to each other. We don't all hang the be friends, but we can be nice about it, can't we?

[-] GetOffMyLan@programming.dev 18 points 6 days ago

This dude is clearly looking to get laid and I bet it's very clear from the way he approaches people. You're assuming they aren't creeping.

[-] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 1 points 6 days ago

Yeah, but it's most likely that he's looking to get laid by women, the word choices and way the text is written point to the writer being hetero, with the men he was talking to being for companionship.

But, yeah, I'm assuming good intentions overall. Looking to get laid isn't inherently bad, for one thing. Nor is trying to find someone to date. Creeping implies they're being crude about it, or otherwise behaving in an inappropriate manner. Well, that's the main usage of the slang term. So, my base assumption is that someone writing something like that is no worse than any idiot teenager or young adult with poor social skills.

When that's the case, there's no reason to be rude or dismissive to them, you can still be nice about it. Hell, even if they are creeping, you stand a better chance of some minor degree of giving them an example of how they should behave by being nice.

As much as I hate people, and gods do I, if we fall into the trap of defaulting to believing the worst and acting on it with everyone, shit breaks down. It may seem like an oxymoron, but compassionate misanthropy is possible. You can believe people are assholes in general, and still act based on the chance that they're not, simply by assuming that malice isn't involved.

[-] meneervana@lemm.ee 3 points 6 days ago

Yes you definitely have a point, I guess it would be better to assume the best and show compassion. I think it's just more difficult when creepieness becomes danger.

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this post was submitted on 26 Oct 2024
442 points (96.0% liked)

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