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Ben Shapiro Calls for Boycott of Zoltar Machine That Wouldn’t Make Him Big (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
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BOCA RATON, Fla. — Conservative podcaster Ben Shapiro called for a boycott of Zoltar machines after his wish to become “big” went unfulfilled for the 4,000th day straight, confirmed sources who learned about this news against their will.

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[-] moistclump@lemmy.world 55 points 1 month ago

At press time, after trying several more Zoltar machines, Shapiro claims to be turning to darker magic in a desperate attempt to grow but without a soul to sell, he is stuck being a teeny wittle boy.

[-] BallsandBayonets@lemmings.world 4 points 1 month ago

The Onion is great about sneaking in the best joke in the last sentence.

this post was submitted on 22 Sep 2024
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