my refusal to accept therapy due to some weird complex that's also a problem.

Hey, that one I totally get (as a non-autist, but with ADHD and there’s some overlap/camaraderie there).

When I was in college I had a really positive experience with therapy, overall, although my therapist did (rightly) encourage my parents to get me into inpatient psychiatric care for a few days when I was at my lowest point of depression. That inpatient stay was extremely beneficial for me, I came out of it much healthier and in a better place, but I was also brought there against my will.

Since then I’ve had a weird thing where I cognitively know I should go to therapy, but I just cannot bring myself to do it. I fully understand inpatient was the right call, my therapist did the right thing, therapy is very helpful, and there are plenty of other therapists anyway. But I still have this like, nagging anxiety about it. Loss of freedom can do weird things to the psyche.

Fortunately I’ve had some recent positive experience, since my wife and I decided to go to some couples’ therapy (nothing serious, just wanted to make sure we can have as healthy a relationship as possible) and it helped a lot. So I’m starting to reconsider the whole notion.