I don't know where to begin and exactly what I expect from this thread, and I also don't know where to post it, if on ADHD or Psychotherapy or Depression. English isn't my mother tongue thus my writing will sound a bit awkward. I was diagnosed a couple of months ago (I'm 53), ADHD and I was prescribed with medikinet 20 mg. I really relied on that drug to get my life on track and start having the quiet control of having grip and control on things, rather than feel always overwhelmed, sad, frustrated and depressed for a life that always goes in the direction of worse, and never for the better (I've developed a lot of resentment about my shortcoming and my inability to achieve a plan, any plan on my own I've always have to lean on someone else, feeling very humiliated about lack of autonomy, independence and adulthood). I don't know if I was born with ADHD, or some traits that verged toward this deficit or if this has been exacerbated by childhood, I have a very severe and cruel father, very cold, very rational very martial man and a mother that was using us, especially my the youngest brother as a surrogate husband. My father used to beat me and he was very demeaning and humiliating, I've developed a sense of shame (a toxic shame) and stress (I soon began to live in constant fear of being humiliated and basically of being profoundly defective and wrong). I was awkward and not very bright and in front of numbers, or procedure I felt dumb, very dumb and my father was merciless, I was getting angry and I was crying. Thus I never had a resource, a way out, something, an activity, a dimension that could make me feel good and where I functioned and did not feel wrong. It was horrible, I was scared of everything, even if I was a big boy. I've always seen as an alpha male (I swear) and I was acting as one, but I always feel profoundly wrong, scared. I began to hate myself, to swallow the constant tone of disappointment or rage of my mother and father. I still, when I am unable (it is as the brain stuck, as if it could not work, move, like a dog who watches the human with a lost gaze). I've cultivated a lot of rage and frustration, everyone else was able to create something, to do something, everything I did turned into a disaster, it was horrible, I was full of shame. Needless to say, I began to develop avoidance strategies, because in front of every confrontation I did not know what to say, what to do, and, again, my brain entered freeze mode. I wasn't an attractive guy until later in life, 18. I've developed a very arrogant attitude, people saw me as a very self-confident guy, but I inside I was feeling a nobody, a person with a very very low self-esteem. Very early I've discovered sex, eleven years old, masturbation and irresistible friskiness that later I've observed toward people who had developed and addiction (toward gambling, alcohol and drugs), feeling alive, frisky and bold. When I was in the bedroom I was very confident, very passionate and was the only thing I could understand how it worked, it was easy and it was also easy seduce women. Thus pornography in the very early adolescence and petting with a male friend from 12 to 16, 17. I was overwhelmingly frisky and it would have been good everything to empty and vent my own instincts. This trait that stuck, even today less often I still feel so frisky that I'd everything (within the law, obviously) to satisfy it. I grew up with a massive confusion in my head, incapability to catalogue and categorise things so I always lost my train of thought and struggled to follow an argument, often appearing as a not bright person. Obviously I internalised my father's idea of me, that I was not very quick-witted, that I was, in short, a disappointing person with no noteworthy qualities, and still today I have an ambivalent feeling toward my intelligence: I feel alive, so to speak, vivacious and at the same time stupid. I believe that I am stupid and I have tons of evidence almost every day and at the same time I am aware, with pain, that it can't be like that I feel a spark of smartness. I cannot stick to a plan, take decision, after a while when I am doing research and gathering information on something I feel blown away from confusion, indecisiveness (this feeling got worse during the years). Given these premises I am very unsuccessful at work, I work hard for meager results, I am constantly hammering my mind repeating me that I am a looser, a dumb person and I can show plenty of evidence about this. I have always perceived myself as a problem a problematic person that fucks up relationship, unreliable, that wears an extrovert mask but I'm scared to death that the truth about myself will come out. I teach to students I am too much, really too much, sensitive to criticism, I feel very fragile and every conflict in class makes me deeply insecure, like a child, and I don't sleep at night, I can't help brooding and when after a few conflicts I return to class I am not at all lucid, calm, I feel, always on the verge of falling into a chasm of shame and for others to see my true self. In and out I've been to therapy 30 years without any considerable effects and still I take sertraline (I used to take paroxetine for 2 years, it worked wonders, but when I quit it began hell, withdrawal syndrome, one of the most awful experience of my life) that turns me off and makes me not want to exercise or basically plan or dream or have a few coins of confidence. My wife, whom I cheat on, is a miracle, patient, very very smart, very practical and the one that has a crystal clear gaze toward things, the few thing we've accomplished were impossible if her would have not been around. Now, I feel old, I hate my job, that is paid very very low and I am scared, seen the results, of facing everything (medikinet 20 mg, was a disappointment): people, a plan. (Often, when someone is explaining me something I feel lost and I feel shame, embarrassment and hopelessness, I feel sentenced to life hostage to myself, my forgetfulness, my inability to plan anything and my stupidity).

I've done ( I know, more than a thousand words) a synthesis of me, there would be much much more else to say. I don't think someone reached the end, if yes: Hello! Thanks! What would you do if you were me, I am really tired of living a life of such poor quality. Is there any other community where I could post this? Any advice? Any support, anything that could help me because I am exhausted.
Addendum: (hopefully someone could mirror in questi esempi pratici). The few times I had the impression something I was doing worked the anxiety was so fierce that I had to quit (as if I suffered of premature ejaculation of enthusiasm and determination). Where I work my ass off on something (a lecture), when I am in class everything falls apart, all it takes is a little negative feedback (even the slightest sign of disinterest) from the class that I immediately change direction and run away and start improvising, or I feel the impossibility, when I have the classroom in front of me, to proceed from A to Z (as a simile this would be fitting: as if I suddenly felt I was in the middle of a lake and despaired of being able to reach the other spona and therefore had to get to safety as soon as possible). After sessions like these the frustration and the sadness is inordinate. When I was young, with women was very easy to seduce the (three weeks, a night a evening), but I would have never allowed them to see the real me, because the real me was a mess, a very unintelligente mess, unable to provide to is own life. Thus, the power I had in the first encounters would have vanished very briefly and and it would come out that I was a blowhard.
I've tried mindfulness with no effective results (yes, Yuval Harari meditates 2 hours a day and I think it would improve my life if I'd meditate 2 hours a day, but I am unable to even conceive that amount of time, even if it could save my life); I've considered transcendental meditation because od David Lynch that I highly esteem, but it is too guruish; EMDR never worked, at least on me, so far. I know it is very hard to empathize with me, but I hope someone will try

Morning, until 4 months ago I used to train at least three times a week. Running (9 km) and HITT. I'm 50, and I began to feel a lack of motivation toward both running and training. Then I've injured my shoulder, there's an hole on my tendon, thus I should use the elastic fitness band, but I don't. I became ~~flaccid ~~and I don't like my body, I'm still skinny, but I've lost all my muscles, I have to start from zero again (sore muscles, lactic acidosis and all that). And here comes the reason why I am posting here. I need a sponosr or someone who gives me some motivation and advice to begain all over again. Right now I feel sadly at ease (depressed but I don't kind of care, but I care at the same time, difficult to explain) with my body loosing shape, strength and agility. I also note that in the last month I've catched on of the most virulent bronchitis ever; I tend to think this is one of the fallout of my interrupting physical activity.
Does someone want to help and old man with advice and motivation?
(I'm Italian, thus forgive me English)

Hello, I'm Italian and I'm reading what I understood to be a classic in American HIstory. I'm throug 100 pagesi in and I have the feeling that the author is a bit too partisan and unbalanced. Sometimes I feel that he had already decided what happened and then he tries to find facts that confirm his prejudices.
Hence, I'm asking if someone out there knows another book about the same subjecst that is not at all celebratory toward America, actually I'm looking for a book that is very critic and severe toward America, but at the same time that is more balanced. Any advice?

(Sorry if this message could sound confused or badly written, I'm not mother tongue and, also, the feeling toward the book is there but still blurry, but there's something about this book that doesn't convince me.)

I know it's unethical and unfair, but I have to, I cannot do otherwise, study a very badly written and boring book. I turn to chat gpt to make notes and summary of the page by uploading photos of the text and asking to do a summary, organized and useful to study in view of a concourse.
Chat gpt (4) refusese to do so becaue it cannot read images and therefore gives vey unuseful advice to create a perfect summary. Is there any app, extension or software that could to this dumb slavish job? The book is written in Italian.

I've left wigh 10 gb in my hd, almost 300 gb in my hd are occupied by culturally relevant films (in hig deifinition) that in the future (I bielieve, and I'm afraid) won't be so easy to find and thus I am reluctant to delete.

I cannot right now buy and external HD (that in the long distance I will surely loose in the profoudities of a cupboard), is there any solutions, safe and cheap to keep them somewhere online and made them available to anyone somewhere that is interested to watch them?
Thanks to anyone who will want to help me. Have a nice day!

(if you don't want to go through all my strident words) Thus, after this rant, my question is: where do I start from to build my surviving kit and my right to be private and disclose personal information to who and when I want to. How I become the actual owner of my device?

(I'm Italian, sorry for my Englishi) I feel I'm enduring too many aspects of my everyday life. Because of my scarce knowledge on many things I am enforced to accept other's companies decisione. My approach toward The mega companies who, in my view, are owning Internet is obsolete and definitely ineffective: I don't use X, FB, instagram, TIK TOK and I boycott Amazon. I just use YT, via freetube, reVanced and Newpipe, until this will be possible. (but, alas, I pay to use chatgpt 4, rather useful tool sometimes) I don't own a sufficient knowledge to use the net ad the mobile phone to riaffirm my independence and anonimity in this once beautiful world of collective enthusiasts and clever people that once was internet.
Also I find infuriating that I'm spied constantly for the simple fact of using a device that I bought with my money and that from the has never be mine but Google's. I am just sick of it, but I, repeat, don't have the knowledge to switch and turn into a citizen who strolls in the world of internet without being followed by 'people' who wants to sell you constantly something and wants to profile you. I find this too aggressive and unbearable. Thus, after this rant, my question is: where do I start from to build my surviving kit and my right to be private and disclose personal information to who and when I want to? **** How the f**k I defend myself from these greedy psycopaths (in the film 'Don't look up: Peter Isherwell, the billionaire CEO of BASH Cellular, was a pricelees portrait of people I cannot stand and for humanity are more harmful thant covid-19)

Here in Italy, often schools, the educative relationship betwenn teachers and students is kept through google classroom. Once I've worked in a school that had both solutions: Moodle (the usability is very very scarce) and Google classroom. During the years I've developped an increasing grudge toward Google, because in the very beginning I've had pinned a lot of hopes in this company, naively thinking that it could have changed the world for the better (don't be evil, a multibillion company who choose this as a motto! I was hopeful and impressed): I was very naive. Now I would like to know if there are systems (because Google classroom works very fine, I have to admit) that works equally fine or even better that are disappeared under the magnitude of this monopolistic leviathan.
Could someone help me?

Good morning, I write from Italy and here, where I live, but it is not only here the problem, are launched public roads projects that are breathtakingly bad and obsolete. I am no expert, I just think to have a minimum of good sense to understand that projects that are raping the countryside to build streets and welcome the circulations of more cars, more pollution and that conceive human beings like automatons that are staring the tv, then the windshield and then again the monitor at work. Imagining human life this way, in 2023, is a bit of a nightmare. Thus I would like to educate myself on traffic egineering. Is there someone out there that can point me YT channels; podcasts or worth to read books about this subject? At least, when there will be a public meeting, a city hall pubblic assembly I can think of intervening and say that there's something better that just open roads after roads, after roads. Thank you

Good morning, English isn't my first language and it happens quie often that I need to select a good chunk of text to translate it with DeepL, why, in often cases, is impossible but select the title of an article that Lemmy's bot has summarised? I would appreciate, and I am pretty confident I am not the only one, if the operation would be much handier or possible. Thanks for reading this and for any tip or hint.

Good morning (excuse my English, it's not my first language), I am very disorganised and forgetful, I always live in a state of anxiety because if I don't make any reminders (for this I use 'saved message' onTelegram) I literally forget appointments, deadlines, so: I always live under persistent stress due to the strain of keeping a lot of things in mind. Of course I own a paper agenda, but I forget to use it. I'm looking for something that keeps in 'his mind' the things I should keep in mine, so that I can invest energy in other tasks. In essence, I feel completely unstructured.
Obsidian, inevitably, intrigued me: the idea of looking at one's brain from the outside is an enviable condition, rather than being inside the terrible tangled cage that is my brain.
I saw some tutorials, some of which are very long and some of which are super-fast. I began to think that it is not the tool, but the way one memorises and organises one's notes (in the broadest sense) that makes the difference. I'm afraid that if one has a lot of confusion in one's head, and is always working in a state of emergency, with the fear of having forgotten something, this is the real problem, and there is no Obsidian to help. How could Obsidian help me? And also: is there any video or document that teaches how to learn it properly?
Thank you very much for your advice.
p.s. Is there any possibility to sync Obsidian with laptop, mobile and tablet avoiding (for the moment, then if I start using it regularly, I'll happily subscribe) to pay the 8$ monthly fee, also avoiding using Gdrive or any other nosy tool that overbearingly imposes its policy on users?