I had a similar experience growing up, it sucks. It has ruined my ability to interact with and form relationships with other men.
As a father myself, I am striving to create moments like you witnessed, I refuse to let my children suffer the way I/we have.
I prefer brown noise, it feels less harsh to me.
Edit: should have read the article before commenting, the author includes brown noise.
People don't want to watch reruns
The article isn't terribly long, but here is the direct link to Taters https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvJtVOmFs5Q
It's an ADHD black hole, I love it
Tell me more about these cats. I'd like my V to be a cat lady, please and thank you.
Sounds a lot like hyper-focus to me too, but like most traits shared by ADHD and Autism, there are probably some subtle differences. Personally I find the inertia terminology to be more representative of my experience.
Lots of good technical starting points here. I don't want to prematurely discourage you, but before you get into any code, evaluate your problem solving abilities. If that is an area you struggle in, work on that first, or at least in conjunction with programming basics.
I've worked with engineers who have all the code skills, but when faced with a complex issue, struggled to break it down into it's simplest components and wound up with a messy, over-engineered solution.
My social anxiety would love to give a one word answer and move on, my ADHD/self-doubt/trauma says "are you sure that's enough? they'll think you are an idiot and don't know what you're doing if you don't elaborate"
Echoing what others have said, get the meds. I'm 39 and have been taking Vyvanse for a couple years; when I forget I am a mess, I can't believe I made it this far without.
I've been working on this lately, what I find helpful is reminding myself that the chore doesn't have to be done perfectly, and that some progress is better than no progress. I struggle with perfectionism and will put off tasks indefinitely because of fear that if I start wrong or don't finish it immediately it won't be perfect. My therapist helped me to realize that perfect is the enemy of done, and that it is ok if something isn't done perfectly.
I live near enough to TMI that a catastrophic event would be severely detrimental to my health, but I see this as a good thing (if you can call AI good). Clean, safe energy, and jobs for people in an area that needs jobs, win-win.