Zero22xx

First I just want to say that I wish this community was busier. There's still major things missing from R*ddit around here on Lemmy. Namely, actual discussion. In all areas, like even the punk subreddit was great for actual discussion and not just dumping links and shit. And as far as gender identity goes, I'm not sure how different my mindset would be right now if it wasn't for the non-binary and genderqueer subs on R*ddit being around and just having other people's stories to read and interact with.

But to the actual post. Not so long ago, I boldly and confidently declared that I'm agender. And I truly felt it at the time. Which honestly has just made it so much more obvious just how many times daily and for how many reasons I wish I was afab. And it can't be exactly true that I'm no gender if this is how things are.

However, I remain under the non-binary umbrella because I know that I will probably never* take steps to change my physical body or even start asking people to address me in a certain way. Not going to even share these thoughts and feelings with family, or even a therapist. And I haven't even been in contact with a lot of my friends for years and in this already religious conservative leaning country that I'm in, I have no doubt that a lot have gone down Joe Rogan looking rabbit holes in the years since. I've even had one old friend catch up out of the blue, which I was quite happy about at first, who then sent me a Jordan Peterson link and I kinda ghosted that conversation and haven't spoken to him since. So I've told exactly one (1) person in my life, a decades long online friend that I've never even met in real life lol.

So based on societal pressures and various other things, not excluding imposter syndrome, I begrudgingly accept my shell despite my inner feelings. I begrudgingly accept being something 'other' or 'in between' and that I will never be either. And anyone that wants to claim that this is some sort of fad is out of their god damned mind. Because it's actually kinda shit. The world is full of "men" and "women" labels on arbitrary, cultural and non-biological shit. And being man shaped but also not only pretty much disgusted with the current state of 'masculinity' but also yearning to be surrounded by things and people with the 'women' label is shit. And I think a double source of guilt and imposter syndrome is being man shaped, feeling this way but also being attracted to women shaped people.

So yeah, it's all fucked up. After a couple of years of this journey and thinking that I had answers, turns out that I still don't really know who I am or where I belong. Or if this state of being just dooms me to be alone and seeking connection in random corners of the internet in a binary world. But it's also all good because actually life has always been this way and I've got this far.

One more heavy one for now.

I did say that I would probably post heavier stuff in another community but I dunno, for reasons, I don't feel that connected to that community anymore. And I like it here in the melting pot. So let me know if my shit gets too extreme for what this community is going for.

Last one for night. If I go heavier than this, I might find a more appropriate community.

Evil Youtube because I think this deserves the music video. And might as well supply part 2 of the video while I'm at it too.

I'm sorry but I'm going to have to go with a double from this band. I'll try to keep the doubles at minimum though.

Spoiler: no one made it up to anyone in the year 2000 and the world is in fact worse than before.

Kinda in the mood to listen to some of my lighter stuff right now. This one definitely smells like childhood nostalgia but I still give Throwing Copper and Secret Samadhi a spin from time to time. Not too big into much of their other stuff though.

Hoping to get out the rut that I'm currently in with my own selection and thinking that if I get involved in a community like this, I'll start getting the energy to start exploring new music, and maybe some suggestions along the way. This seems like a good place for me to drop occasional tracks because sometimes it might be whatever genre this is, sometimes it might be punk, sometimes it might be melodic death metal.

I have listened to this track an unusual amount of times this week so far. Hope someone enjoys.

Been looking around this place properly today. And it's honestly looking pretty good right now with some nice theming options too. And considering that I've also been giving Bluesky a go, it's pretty cool that you can even link that account.

Just one though. Unless I'm dumb and I'm missing something, browsing groups doesn't seem that great at all. Like, unless you know specifically what you want to search for, it looks like your only option is to scroll through posts from groups until you find something that interests or is relevant to you.

I noticed that there's a directory for users, why not one for groups? Is something like this in the pipeline? I appreciate that a platform like this is a lot more feature heavy and complicated than something like Bluesky or even Lemmy. So I'm not making demands or anything. Just an idea that I think would make it Friendica an even more complete replacement for Facebook.

Personally what I'm looking for out of this is a space where I can crap out my own thoughts and post my stolen memes and shit on my own profile, plus have the community discussion too. On that note, it would also be nice if you could load Lemmy communities in the Friendica interface and 'Follow' them in the same manner.

And just for my questions. First, when it comes to your handle or url, what characters exactly are allowed? Because I tried a dash and a dot in my handle and it wouldn't accept it. Are you really just limited to letters and numbers?

Second question. About the language settings. Is it recommended to also have 'Undefined' selected there, in the same way as here? And why do I still see non English posts regardless? (on that note, a translation feature would be nice too)

Edit: Ok as far as languages go, I just found the language filter addon. Somehow missed it on my first round of going through the settings. Will be interesting to see how this works.