Nick

It's so funny that Mr. "Enlightened" European's take on immigration being bad is verbatim right-wing American politician talking points. You're so much better than those racist Americans because you definitely only don't want brown people because of FACTS and LOGIC.

I thought this was a nice, short, extremely to the point clip from Chris Young about dedicated air fryers. He's got quite a few fun, well-produced videos about various cooking techniques, but the thumbnails are rather clickbaity.

I'm really not in a position to understand your financial situation, but I don't think it's inherently wrong to accept money from people. I've been on a few dates with girls who just put their Cashapp/Venmo in their dating bios without any explanation, and it weirdly seems to work. I've literally seen the notifications of random men just sending them money while we're out for coffee or something. It's not like they made a bunch of money from it or anything, but there were definitely guys willing to send them money without them even asking for it or pretending to offer anything in return. If you're not lying to them and they just send you money, I don't think you're not a bad person for taking it. Some people just want to spend that way. I will say that if it makes you feel weird, you probably shouldn't do it though.

If you need someone to talk to in the future, feel free to dm me. I'm not opposed to a respectful Internet friendship, and if you're feeling lonely and just want someone to talk to I don't want you to necessarily feel limited to the contents of the original post.

Yeah I can't say the conversations with those guys were exactly a good thing, but you regret it and I don't see the point in dwelling on it as long as you don't do it again. Feeling guilty about not telling him at first is a normal reaction, but things didn't go wrong just because you didn't tell him immediately. You worked up the courage to tell him, and that took strength. I will say though, I don't think it's necessarily good to tell him just because it makes you feel guilty. You should share things with people out of a positive want to, not out of guilt.

I saw elsewhere in the thread that your body count made you feel terrible because it got such a negative reaction from this guy. I don't think you should be worried about it, because it doesn't define you or say anything about you as a person. I've had partners and irl friends with much higher body counts than you, and I didn't think any less of them because of it. It's one of the least interesting things about a person, so getting too worked up about it is weirdo behavior.

I'm probably the wrong person to ask, since I haven't really been on socials for about 4 years now, but I really don't think it's a big deal to share your Instagram with someone. Are you both particularly cagey about who you share it with? Maybe there's just a more recent divide on how you curate your personal stuff now.

As far as being upset about not immediately sharing that someone else sent you unsolicited pictures, I think the anger is probably related to some other underlying issue moreso than trust. It could be about some insecurities that he has, but I'm not going to try too hard to rationalize his thought process because the response was completely inappropriate. We can't even know for sure the response would have been any different even if you had told him right away. You didn't want the pictures, and you did tell him about them on your own without him prying. He doesn't get to determine the timeline that you do it on.

You're not being delusional if you think he's being irrational. He complains about not being able to trust you, but I don't see why he deserves your trust either. I wouldn't trust him with my emotions since he hasn't shown that he can treat them with the depth that they deserve. The Instagram and GoFundMe stuff sounds like a really complex scenario, but he only thought about how it made him feel. If someone I actually care about did something that made them feel disgusting, I would want to comfort them before addressing the way that it made me feel. It's something that happened to you, not him. He doesn't get to be the victim just because you didn't perfectly follow his instructions regarding the GoFundMe. He just dogpiled on you without giving you any air when you were the one who trusted him enough to open up about it.

In the future, you shouldn't have to "try" to win anyone back. People who want to be in your life will put in the effort, since relationships are a two-way street. The people who don't try aren't deserving of your time. This sounds like it was a pretty terrible experience for you, but I hope it doesn't make you more jaded about emotionally connecting with people.

I'm gonna be frank: I would not want to remain friends with someone like this at all. It's incredibly insulting and manipulative to tell someone that they're unworthy of being trusted when you know that they have issues with their self-worth, while also continuing to maintain contact with said person. Trust should be implicit in any opt-in relationship, whether it's a platonic friendship or a romantic one. Relationships require sharing vulnerability, and I wouldn't do that with anyone I don't trust not to take advantage of me. If for any reason I no longer feel able to trust a person, that's fine, it's just where the relationship is going to end. From my (admittedly extremely limited) outsider perspective, you're being vulnerable to this guy and he's taking advantage of it.

You were honest with him about what you viewed as a mistake, and he used that as a vehicle to say you can't be trusted? Make that make sense. I can't say whether I'd be happy about it in the same scenario, but if anything it would make me trust you more. Even though you knew it would be upsetting, you made the mature choice to tell him what happened. I think an appropriate response in that situation would be to be upset, but to recognize that you were already reflecting on your actions. It sounds as though you were already unhappy, and even if he wasn't going to comfort you, the least he could do is not blow a fuse. That's not healthy behavior in a relationship, and I'd urge you to look at things like that when vetting potential partners in the future.

Plainly speaking, it sounds like you were just being strung along from this point forward. He knows or should have known how hurtful it is to say that he can't trust you, especially given all of the nice and flowery things he's said in the previous months. He knows your insecurities, and made them so much worse with his actions. Then, he continues a physical relationship with you and the dates under the guise of being "just friends" while knowing that you want something more from the relationship. That's a horribly shitty thing to do to someone that you know you have an emotional grip on, especially if they have some emotional trauma as you seem to. It's not something I would do to someone I dislike, let alone a friend I'm supposed to care about. It shows a complete disdain for your feelings. You deserve much better from your friends. Strangers on the internet shouldn't be more considerate of your feelings than some guy that you wanted a relationship with.

I hope your therapy goes well. I'm rooting for you, and want to tell you that I think that you are absolutely worthy of love as you are, so you should try loving yourself. You're honest, introspective, and capable of self-critique.

You can try using this tool by Unspecialty to get an idea of the grind size/uniformity without buying any fancy equipment. As far as whether your grinder is up to snuff, I think how the coffee tastes to you is the best determinant. If it tastes good to you, it's good coffee :)

Assuming that you're looking for filter coffee, the Specialty Coffee Association and European Coffee Brewing Center both have certification programs for home coffee makers. None of these machines should be a barrier to getting a great cup of coffee, so you can comfortably focus on picking a machine based on price/aesthetic/convenience features from either of these lists. Even if you don't want anything from these lists, looking at their guidelines will be helpful in knowing what to look for when selecting a machine. Naturally, the lists are nonexhaustive and only feature machines that have paid for the certification testing.

If you're interested in manual brewers, some of the more accessible brewers would be the Clever Dripper, Ceado Hoop, Aeropress, or the Hario Switch. None of these brewers gets much benefit from using a gooseneck kettle, so you won't need to jump too far down the rabbit hole.

I didn't mean to imply that you weren't concerned about the taste of your coffee at all, sorry if that's how it came across! I tried to stay away from the elitist tendencies that creep in when talking about coffee gear because I find it counterproductive and off-putting, and what's more important than anything is that we all enjoy the cups that we brew.

If you're brewing with an Aeropress, I can see why the value proposition of more expensive grinders seems a bit suspect. It's a very forgiving brewer (and the perfect size for travel), which is one of its greatest strengths. Immersion brewers are tolerant of a significantly wider range of grind sizes and tend towards producing rounder flavors and more even extractions. This is an obvious oversimplification of the Aeropress, since there's some absolutely wild World Aeropress Championship recipes (especially from a couple years ago), but I think there isn't a need to dial in much on the Aeropress because it's so forgiving. I feel like I'd have to actively try to get a bad result out of an Aeropress, which is a huge testament to how great it is.

My personal preference when it comes to filter coffee at home is either a V60 or an Orea V4. Generalizing again, but the grinder becomes a lot more important in pour overs because it reduces variables when it comes to your extraction. A more uniform grind allows water to trickle through the bed at similar rates. Too many boulders and fines in the bed can lead to a cup tasting simultaneously bitter and acidic, which doesn't really happen in my experience with the Aeropress. However, the cups that I get when I have the beans dialed in offer more clarity and flavor separation than I get from an Aeropress, which isn't necessarily better, just different.

I'd tend to agree with you on electric grinders, by and large. It feels like you're either better suited buying a hand grinder for the same price as your budget, or you'd need to spend substantially more for an electric grinder that can match a $200 hand grinder. If you're interested in an electric grinder, a little bit handy, and have the counter space, you might want to keep an eye out for used commercial grinders. I've seen quite a few Mazzer Super Jollys and their rebranded cousins in my area, so you might be able to eventually pick up one in yours for a steal.

Generally speaking, more expensive grinders are going to be better aligned, offer more grind size options, and have burr geometries that are suited to particular types of brew methods. In the case of hand grinders, they'll also probably be significantly easier to crank than something like a Hario Mini Slim. I personally found that when I switched from the Hario to a more expensive hand grinder about 7 years ago, I was getting cups that were tastier and more consistent. I'm not going to pretend that it's worth the additional cost for everyone, but for me personally it was about getting more of what I want from coffee rather than what I need.

I'm going to stray from the crowd here and sing the praises of ethyl acetate (EA or sugarcane) decaffeination. In my experience, it's produced the most consistently "good" decafs. I've had plenty of good SWP beans, but sometimes they result in a more muted flavor. I have yet to have an EA decaf where I've felt that it was lacking for any reason other than roaster error (the roaster being myself). Some of my EA roasts have been so good that my friends have expressed skepticism about it actually being decaf.

That being said, I think if you purchase from a roaster who really takes pride in their decaf, they're unlikely to source a SWP (or really any decaffeination method) that doesn't result in a tasty, flavorful cup. Nobody in specialty coffee sets out to make a roast that a customer doesn't like. That being said, I would avoid any roaster who doesn't openly advertise which decaffeination method was used. To me, it signals either lack of pride in the end result or a lack of care in sourcing.

I'm well aware that it doesn't necessarily improve anything, which is why I've never sanded my Lodge pan down. However, I also don't see how it would make the pan worse, which is why I'm asking how it impacts the ability for seasoning to adhere, the only thing this could possibly do to make the pan worse. I use a 1950s Wagner for my cast iron cooking now, and I much prefer its polished surface to that of a stock Lodge. I've done plenty of my own Googling to find anecdotal experience with sanding down the surfaces and did not find definitive answers on sanding, so if you have any sources on it being strictly worse or personal experience I'd be happy to learn more.