There's a slim but real chance that Mitch McConnell drops dead on live television in the near future and I refuse to miss it
This one time, I showed up to work in a pair of green slacks and a white dress shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbow. A friend of mine sees me that morning and the first thing he says is "You're dressed exactly like Peter Griffin."
It was easily the most devastating sentence anyone has ever spoken to me. I haven't worn those pants since.
As a licensed rapturologist I can verify that rapture events do leave stains on organic material. It's the same miraculo-chemical process that burns Jesus' face into the toast of true believers.
Creation:
You pull wisps of shadow material from the Shadowfell to create a nonliving object of vegetable matter within range: soft goods, rope, wood, or something similar. You can also use this spell to create mineral objects such as stone, crystal, or metal. ~~The object created must be no larger than a 5-foot cube, and the object must be of a form and material that you have seen before.~~
"How far away is the BBEG's fortress?"
"His lair is still many leagues in the distance. You can just barely see it on the horizon, nestled in the-"
"I spawn a really big boulder on top of it. Like, a reeeally big boulder."
"..."
Yeah, RIP that dude but I'm built different
Make sure to thoroughly check your child's candy this Halloween. There are a lot of sickos out there putting pure, uncut heroin in their candy and just pretending it's laced with fentanyl.
Depression jokes are OUT.
Hyperbolic overconfidence jokes are IN.
Sadness CANNOT overtake you anymore. You are simply TOO POWERFUL and TOO SEXY.
Hey guys I found one
I appreciate the lore that C&H characters are apparently assigned their shirt colors at birth. Fascinating stuff.
Drop out of school
Change name
Move to another country
"Dongles per snongle" sounds like a British person measuring the gender ratio at their local pub