alright so today am i obligated to be marginally less blackpilled on electoralism? dark-grey pilled like some kind of industrial sludge? is that a thing? sludge-pilled, anyone??? is this anything????????
(congrats Zohran i’m glad nyc isn’t going to have skinnier, even-more-sex pest tony soprano for mayor)
leaving aside the toxic narrative that romanticizes mental illness as some essential fire to the creative process, creatives (so like artists, writers, musicians, etc) are definitely more prone to mental illness right? like there just objectively is a (value-judgment-free) correlation there?
(no shade to my mostly-mentally-healthy creative brethren or my mentally-ill-but-not-particularly-creative brethren)
when i was shopping around for orgs before joining 
, it's wild how - despite being a far more marginalized ideology - membership were immediately vastly more normal vs 
. and when i say normal i don't mean it in like a boring conformist or ableist way, i just mean down to earth and empathetic and connected to/of the working class. (me and my comrades are plenty quirky & neurodivergent).
also it's insane to me the amount of infighting DSA slap fights i've seen play out on fucking social media/twitter, people call PSL a cult for "monitoring social media activity" but a serious org not having a social media policy is wild to me.
sino-soviet split....whatevah happened theyuh?? 
stressposting/journalposting
feeling kind of 
and overwhelmed rn - between interpersonal conflict between mutual friends in one of my main friend groups, exiting a dysfunctional short lived romantic relationship (with someone i still have to see semi-regularly because we're in community), feeling the consequences of addiction issues and not knowing how to tackle them (moderate alcoholism), and unpacking some weird childhood/parenting shit.
idk i just feel like i have no personal oases of security/stability at the moment while the world feels like it's falling apart and i still have to work full time and i have Party obligations and aaaaaaaaaah 
s'all good, that relationship was worth a shot. back to default, gonna try to just focus on hobbies & friends & organizing.
speaking of politics ive been grillpilling to perhaps a hedonistic/cowardly degree in terms of being checked out of the Iran situation. how tf do yall keep up in the news megathread? i always just get information overload especially in weeks where decades happen. i don't really have a good go-to way to keep up with continuously breaking news, my podcast head days are mostly behind me and corporate media makes me want to puke, plus neither are good really for continuously/rapidly developing situations. i know some of yall have like curated feeds or something? I just never figured out how that shit all works i can be a borderline boomer abt tech shit.
i be looping i rlly want to stay at your house from cyberpunk everytime im hung up on a baddie w/ trust issues (i.e. this describes every baddie i have ever loved also i.e. my most recent relationship is truly cooked for now, RIP) 
i want to complain about my job in enough detail that it’s an actual good vent but not so much that my job is identifiable, the shitposting depressed wage slave dilemma 
mental health talk, spoiler for readability
ya we've talked about the anxiety/ADHD combo on my old account, something I know quite well/intimately. hoping the new therapist is helpful 
just try to be kind to yourself in the process and remind yourself that progress isn't linear.
idk if this helps you but i try to sometimes look at intrusive thoughts as external objects as a way to self-regulate in the moment - real, existent things not to be run away from, but also not some fundamental part of myself that i need to agonize over. makes it into a passing annoyance more akin to, idk, a too-loud car barrelling down the street, vs an all encompassing horror.
Porky measures your value according to completely anti-human & anti-life metrics, holding yourself to his standards when you think & talk about your self worth does yourself a disservice, as well as the people around you. You are better than the wretched capitalist system. Also....
I’m not lazy, I’m just incompetent. Not my fault everyone is just better than me, I try but someone beats me every time…and even if I was the only one, porky would just not hire me because why would he hire a loser like me?
Porky will literally hire his incompetent failnephew without question or vetting, just because 
this shit is not a reflection of your or anyone else's intrinsic value, trust.
lol oooooooh purple man, good old purple man, always looking at things that aren’t meant for you